So I was yelling at my elderly neighbor when a guy handed me a package.

“I don’t want it,” I said.

“But I’m the UPS guy.”

So I took it and opened it. My mom sent a sweater.

I called her up and curser her out.“Bitch, send me something good next time!” Then I hung up.

I went back outside. “what do you think about this sweater?” I asked my elderly neighbor. “You jealous that my family still talks to me?”

She said “you’re a punk and someday god will curse you.”

“At least I’m still in good health,” I replied as I lit up a cigarette.

Then I caught syphilis.


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