So I was yelling at my elderly neighbor when a guy handed me a package.
“I don’t want it,” I said.
“But I’m the UPS guy.”
So I took it and opened it. My mom sent a sweater.
I called her up and curser her out.“Bitch, send me something good next time!” Then I hung up.
I went back outside. “what do you think about this sweater?” I asked my elderly neighbor. “You jealous that my family still talks to me?”
She said “you’re a punk and someday god will curse you.”
“At least I’m still in good health,” I replied as I lit up a cigarette.
Then I caught syphilis.
THE END
The Internet Ruined Everything 