Blog

Fake news

Apparently the image I posted above is FALSE according to the great minds of Facebook and Instagram smh Allegedly, the couple isn’t fucking. They’re “faith healing”. Since I’ve been firing blanks for the last 50 years, I was curious if this method of conception actually worked. But Facebook and Instagram are too afraid of me … Continue reading Fake news

cleeveland “browns”

https://www.beaconjournal.com/story/news/2022/06/22/deshaun-watson-suspension-amid-new-lawsuits-cleveland-browns/9676780002/ Cleveland, OH… Cleveland Browns… The joke writes itself. But who the fuck hires a defense attorney named RUSTY HARDIN? When you hire a guy like that, Deshaun Watson might as well wear a sign that says “I’m guilty AF but there’s nothing you can do about it.” A lawyer like that comes stumbles drunk … Continue reading cleeveland “browns”

ok boomer

I can’t wait to be old. Not because I get to be an old bastard, but because I’ll be one step closer to death. But I can see what it will be like. Younger generations will be bitching about nuclear radiation, rising sea levels, unreal wealth inequality, the re-institution of debt prisons and chattel slavery, … Continue reading ok boomer

5 times I said “lol that sucks” while watching football

5. Fake Fair Catch- North Texas vs. Arkansas Nothing gives me more comfort than knowing that in this day and age of NCAA football, the Arkansas Razorbacks will never win a National Championship. They’re quietly the saltiest fans in all of sports. Which is why this fake fair catch will always bring a smile to … Continue reading 5 times I said “lol that sucks” while watching football

happy fathers day too me

Unfortunately none of my 37 children appreciate me. Ungrateful shits. So I treated myself to a Wendy’s baconator, a Bang Energy drink, and some Red Man chew. When the kids use the bathroom, they’ll know my wrath. Happy Father’s Day

writings hard

Sorry about my halfassed posts as of late. I’m working on another project that’s taking up most of my creative energy. And that’s in addition to being employed at the toilet factory and fathering 27 kids. But as I always say: “anything worth doing is worth losing your sanity over.” So anyway, if anything seemed … Continue reading writings hard

pixels (2015)

Yeah man, Pixels. Hell yeah dude. What a funny movie. It totally didn’t crush my will to live. Kevin James as President? Hilarious. Josh Gad singing Tears For Fears? Laughed until I pissed myself. Peter Dinklage fucking the shit out of Serena Williams and blowing a load all over Martha Stewart? Totally hot. Adam Sandler’s … Continue reading pixels (2015)

fav songs from the 80s

Yeah man, I love the 80s. That’s all I listen to. I totally don’t know only one album from the decade. 10. Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel Yeah, what a great song ya know? That music video. Phew! 9. In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel I’ve spent many a night blasting this song outside of the … Continue reading fav songs from the 80s

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