phoning it in again

So I was in the bathroom at the bus station when an employee banged on the door.

“Hey buddy,” I said. “Do you mind? I’m trying to beat off!”

“Sorry sir,” the employee replied. “But I have a message here from your mother.”

So I opened the door with my pants around my ankles. The message read:

Dear son,

Please don’t come home for Christmas. Your cousin Megan is here and she told me some troubling things about you.


Your Mom

So I pulled up my pants and went to the front counter.

“Can’t take your ticket back, sir. All sales are final,” the employee said.

I turned around and the janitor was harassing a homeless woman, accusing her of clogging the toilet.

“That was me sir,” I told the janitor. “I blew up the toilet in the women’s bathroom.”

“You have one cursed ass sir,” he replied.

The woman walked up to me. “Thank you for taking the blame,” she said. “I just wish that they’d give me a ticket so I could get out of this godforsaken place.”

I handed her my ticket. “Merry Christmas,” I said. “Today’s your lucky day.”

“Oh, no thank you,” she said. “I don’t want to go to Reno, Nevada.”

3 thoughts on “phoning it in again

  1. So I hope you don’t mind my saying this, but I love these posts as shorts (even if I do despise the current forced “shortification” of everything.) Maybe it’s more a “Stephen Write”-like (Google him) aside or joke I’m seeing here, but it stops after “Love Mom.” I think that would be hilarious!
    I confess I haven’t done my due diligence on your content yet, so I don’t know if you’re excerpting from a larger work. So thank for letting me share this very subjective suggestion!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Appreciate your feedback. But I’m actually just a very lazy writer that will write until I hit a punchline (funny or not) or until I feel like stopping.

      Shorter the better, I agree with you. Honestly, if I could get away with just saying “I watched German porn and now I’m in the hospital. THE END.”…or something like that for every story, I’d do it.

      But I guess I have to put forth “effort” or whatever.

      Liked by 1 person

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