I’m a veteran of various online battles during the 00s, from the days of IMDB message boards to the message boards of Reddit and Free Republic. I also dabbled in shitposting and trolling on Twitter and the days of MySpace. I officially retired in 2020.
Kids point and laugh at my advanced age, but let me tell ya something: there ain’t nothing I haven’t seen. So listen to me when I say that NO ONE is undefeated in internet battles.
I’m not gonna name any names, but I’ve seen one too many caustic personalities, championed by their legion of followers, playing with fire. Remember all the pre-2016 trolls that created an internet culture which led to Donald Trump? They’re all laughingstocks now. You think your followers will always have your back? That’s a false sense of security. The sad reality is that all of your followers have a love/hate relationship with you.
They WANT to see you fail.
And the bigger you are, the harder you fall. So heed my advice, grasshopper: one day you will get absolutely OWNED. So choose your battles wisely.
Personal note: I was not referencing you Joe Newcomer. Keep up the good fight 😁👍
So I’ve been locked in my shed breathing in paint and gasoline fumes for the last few days and I’ve been watching atheist call-in shows the entire time.
Then it occurred to me: I can do this!
I’ve always said that my dream job would be to have my own talk show a la Dr. Phil: People would come to me with their problems and I would dispense nothing but terrible, uneducated advice. (So, basically, Dr. Phil)
So now I want my own atheist call in show: people call in trying to convert me, I ask endless amount of questions, people spin their wheels to the point of insanity, and I convert every time. Of course, I believe in this faith until the next caller.
I’ll also give relationship advice, because if anyone knows romance, it’s definitely a balding, disheveled, 94 year old.
Sometimes to feel better about myself, I’ll peruse the Reddit boards of single guys. Not the MGTOW or incel stuff, but the boards that discuss the general lives of single men.
Just to reiterate, being in a long term relationship is great. Top 10 experience for sure. And it’s alarmingly easy to be in one (if you’re an adult).
So it’s important to note that if you’re not in a romantic relationship and you want to be in one, it’s totally your fault.
So assuming that you’re a normal, functioning adult male, I have some excellent news for you: if you listen to me, you DEFINITELY won’t be a ladies man but you’ll find yourself a romantic partner soon, tomorrow probably.
How can I be so sure?
Well let me introduce you to two men:
Charles Bukowski Slavoj Zizek
The first was an alcoholic writer that found success late in life. The other is a philosopher that eats from a trash can. But these two men could get it (ladies, don’t chime in).
What do you notice about these guys? Would you say they’re ‘good looking’? Are they well kempt? Do they look healthy and in shape? The answer to all three questions is a resounding ‘no’.
So how do (did) they do it?
The answer is easy: they don’t give a shit. But they also share another trait: they possess an ‘edge’.
Is this ‘edge’ confidence? Absolutely not. Bukowski was especially self-loathing and self-deprecating. Zizek, on the other hand, hardly realizes that he’s an actual person that moves through space and time.
Is it because they’re funny? In their own way, yes. But this humor derives from their character. It has nothing to do with them being especially cunning.
Are they ‘dangerous’? Lol! No.
So what is this ‘edge’?
Honestly, that’s difficult to say. Some might say a man has to be a “master of his domain”, but that sounds like nonsense. I imagine it depends on the man. But if I had to guess, I’d say this ‘edge’ has something to do with viewing the world with clarity and lacking pretension. Or, in another way, it’s accepting who you are and not giving a shit.
So if you want to be successful in relationships, or just want to get into one at all, one must “know thyself”.
Another thing is the misplaced emphasis on sex. Part of growing up is realizing that “everything is about sex except for sex.” Most of the time, I wish that I stayed home and watched porn instead.
Also, women piss, shit, fart, burp, and are every bit as disgusting as you and me. They know that WE do those things, but they love us nonetheless. So I don’t see what your problem is dude.
And stop saying your “single”. Just say you’re “not in a long term relationship currently”. Ladies can get away with announcing their singleship. It will always work out in their favor. It won’t for you. That’s just facts.
Just trying to help dude. Hate the game, not the messenger. Or whatever.
The Internet Ruined Everything 