Author: Beau Montana

I’m four months behind on the rent and my credit score is 480.

guys..I’m tellin ya

This is an untapped market…

If Christian erotica can be a thing, so can Christian pornography.

And why limit it to Christians? The MAGA market are also a bunch of dupes…er, uhhhh…I mean EXCELLENT customers, why not branch into the right-wing crowd? Think about it…anti-woke pornography where we “own the libs” (I.e. by fucking the shit out of them)

We’re sitting on a lot of money here folks.

sry

I was on vacation. Went to the beach and got pinched by a crab. Went to the zoo and got attacked by a lemur. Then went to the ATM and got robbed at gunpoint by a goddamn pelican!

Never going to Destin again.

ranking the cfl uniforms

Got nothin to talk abt. So I’m gonna talk about my fourth favorite subject: sports uniforms.

I tried to rank the NFL uniforms, but there’s just too damn many of them. For the CFL, there are only nine. So let’s get to them.

9. Montreal Alouettes

Fun fact: I hate this uniform. Probably the worst uniform in all of North American professional football. Why the hate? Because there’s nothing offensive about it. Much like Canada itself.

8. Winnipeg Blue Bombers

It’s pretty cool that the Washington Huskies are both an NCAA and a CFL team.

7. Toronto Argonauts

The Argonauts do a much better job of handling the two-tone blues than the Tennessee Titans. Still though, pretty uninspiring.

6. Saskatchewan Roughriders

Not gonna lie, the Roughriders pull off this color scheme much better than the New York Jets ever did. It’s plain and a little boring. But so is Saskatchewan.

5. Ottawa Redblacks

Dumb name (I’m sure there’s some a history behind it), terrible logo, and not nearly as cool as the similarly-looking Atlanta Falcons. That being said though, not too shabby.

4. Calgary Stampeders

I’m confused as to what their uniforms are going to be rolling into the coming season, but either way, cool emblem and they definitely have the best red/black uniforms in professional football.

3. Edmonton Elks

Do they look like the Green Bay Packers? Sure. But who gives a shit? Look at that helmet!

2. BC Lions

Many would disagree, but more teams need to be wearing orange and black. My only complaint about this uniform is the BC logo. It’s a little too high schoolish. Still though, this is a thing of beauty.

1. Hamilton Tiger-cats

I’m just gonna say it: black and yellow are the two most powerful colors any team could put together. And another unpopular opinion: I like this uniform BETTER than the Pittsburgh Steelers. My only complaint is the name “tiger-cat”. Any Canadian care to explain?

The Partnership for Enterpise, Nurturing, and Innovation Sciences (PENIS)

So I left my lucrative job at the toilet factory to become a life coach/thought leader/grifter on LinkedIn.

And people ask me all the time: how did you become so goddamn successful?

Easy!

It’s helpful to have a big penis and loads of inherited money. But if you lack those qualities, there’s another secret that insiders don’t want you to know: voodoo.

So curse your enemies to eternal damnation and harness the powers of Satan by downloading my “free” ebook written by yours truly and Dr. Dale Dickton, who’s a real doctor and didn’t get his degree from a diploma mill.

COMING soon