Off the rip I’m gonna say that I am pro-Tom Myers. I’m not saying this ironically. I’m not saying this in jest.
Myers might only be familiar to Cumtown fans and the terminally online, so here’s a brief introduction. Tom came up through the Baltimore-area standup scene at roughly the same time as Nick Mullen, Stavros Halkias, and Adam Friedland. The latter three would go on to form the very successful Cumtown podcast. And while all its hosts are comedians, essentially the other two were there simply to provide a setup and a laugh track for Mullen’s irreverent, absurd, and borderline problematic riffs. It was a work of genius. Much of Mullen’s rants were about his time as a struggling comic. That’s when audiences the world over were introduced to the name Tom Myers and thereafter the internet was never the same. Google “bong hit transplant” to see what I mean. Mullen and Myers thought little of each other, both as comics and as people, and because of Mullen’s sizable influence, many sided with him.
But Myers did something interesting here. Had I been in his shoes, I would have balled up in my closet and cried forever. Instead, Tom talked his shit and endeared himself to many Cumtown fans. It was a true David and Goliath situation. Some might claim him as the honorary fourth mike of Cumtown. Others might say he is Mullen’s arch-nemesis within the podcast’s extended universe. Either way, Myers etched his name into internet history and much digital ink has been spilled over it since.
The common perception of Tom, or at least the one often repeated by comedic “experts”, is that he makes structurally sound jokes but with nonsensical punchlines. Some say he has the potential to be a good comedian, but due to his pig headedness, he refuses to listen to the advice from his peers. And others often wonder if Tom is actually “in on the joke” and he’s performing some form of “anti-comedy”, a la Andy Kauffman. The internet will have you believe that he is either the best or worst comic off all time. My personal view is that the truth probably falls somewhere in between.
I’m not gonna dissect Tom Myers’ standup. Some jabroni years ago wrote an in-depth analysis of it, and it was trashed by Myers, Mullen, and the Cumtown community as a whole. Standup comedy isn’t my cup of tea anyway, even when it’s performed by people I genuinely find funny. Only two comedians, in my view, were ever “good” at it: Eddie Murphy and sex-pervert Louis CK. So “Bong hit transplant” and “Make America Innate Again” aside, I have—hand to god—laughed as much at Tom Myers’ latest standup as I have the standup of Nick Mullen and Stavros Halkias. Their talents lie in sitting down and riffing. I think they know this. And their standup tries to capture that magic. It doesn’t work (for me). Myers, to his credit—intentional or not—is doing something interesting. Through the prism of Cumtown, he is an enigmatic figure. Is he a “shitty” comedian or does he merely play one? I’ll just say that if the cardinal rule of comedy is to have the joke be on you, Tom Myers is a pretty amazing comic.
Yet even without Cumtown, if I had run into Tom Myers’ standup at some pizzeria in Havre de Grace, would I be confused? Probably. Would I think that he sucked? Eh. I’ve thought that about even the best comics sometimes. But to call him the “worst comic of all time” would be hyperbolic. I can genuinely say that he’s funnier and more entertaining than Joe Rogan, for example, who might be the richest “comedian” on the planet. Which leads us to a problem within the comedy industry, or I guess any industry really: success and critical acclaim being a crapshoot.
The rich and famous rarely get to where they are at based on their talent, looks, and big dick. Some get there by birth. Others get there by unwittingly making the right choices and the right friends at the right time. The latter is the case of Nick Mullen. To the annoyance of Cumtown fans, there would be no Cumtown without the success of Chapo Trap House. Those were choices. Tom Myers didn’t have a choice. He was thrusted into internet infamy based on the haphazard whims of Mullen. And instead of scrubbing his digital presence like a pussy (as I would have done), he amped up the shit talk and continues to do so till this day. Where others would have cowered, he turned into an opportunity.
Tom Myers is a proud Marylander. He appears to serve his community. Insofar as I can tell, he makes enough money to make a living doing what he loves. I cannot, and never will, begrudge a man for this. The internet wanted me to hate him. But goddamnit, I only have respect for Tom Myers.