How do I keep winning every battle I start?

I’ve been dunking so hard on my boss that I’m starting to feel bad about it. I mean, it’s not entirely his fault for why our workplace is so fucked up.

Put yourself into his shoes: you’re new to the job, you’ve been brought in to straighten out a mess, you make plans, then the boss that brings you in gets fired (which a particular subordinate, me, warned you about should you follow through with said plans).

So you’re shaken up a bit, regroup, and (probably) kiss ass to keep your job. Your new superior says to take control of a deteriorating situation. Then you make new plans.

Unfortunately your subordinate middle managers act out of self preservation and keep you in the dark about everything. As a result, your new plans are poorly executed then you make a critical mistake: you blame the low men on the totem pole instead of your managers

Now you’ve got a BIGGER problem: me. I warned you about ruling with an iron fist and that you should probably learn your way around before you start making drastic decisions. You didn’t listen. And because you’re the top dog, I’m not giving you a second chance to fuck up.

So I air out the workplace’s dirty laundry to YOUR superior and HR.

What you think is just an employee bitching turns out to be something more serious: this very issue that I brought up, who happens to be a particular individual, not only has negatively impacted your workplace but it has also negatively impacted members of HR themselves.

So there will be no warning, there will be no write up. There will be a direct investigation. This issue will certainly be removed from your department.

You see, when you’re in our business, it helps to be familiar with all the moving parts around you. That’s called politics and that’s the only way to survive around here. This is why I told you to get familiar with everything before you start ruling with an iron fist.

Now normally this wouldn’t be a big deal. Sure it’s a little embarrassing having your department investigated while you’re (presumably) on thin ice. Unfortunately, an addition to firing a talented and qualified supervisor two weeks earlier, it was announced this very week that two more qualified and experienced employees will soon be leaving (not including me because that’s a bombshell I’ll be dropping later because I’m an asshole). Furthermore, you’ve been unable to fill vacancies due too few qualified applicants and too little pay. In sum, you’re about to be short on employees.

To summarize: I’ve absolutely owned you. Without really meaning to, honestly.

The first time, I was just pissed off and venting without actually thinking my warning would come true. And the second time, well, I just blindly fired a shot and it landed perfectly on target 🤷‍♂️

But luck fell into my lap because I listened and learned my place. You didn’t do that. Now I’ll go to bat for you in the investigation (after I turn in my notice of resignation) but all this could have been avoided. As a result, this will probably be the biggest FUCK YOU to a former employer that I could possibly deliver.

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