Good ass 90s movies

If you don’t remember the 90s, don’t let anyone fool you: it sucked. It was an awkward time between the coked out free-for-all that was the 70s/80s and the rise of internet culture of the 2000s. So don’t buy into the bullshit nostalgia, I would know. I’m 107 years old and sharp as a tack.

With that being said, it did have its moments. Not many, but they were there. These were the only good movies that came out of that dump of a decade.

1. Dances With Wolves

You’ve read my apologetics and polemics regarding this Kevin Costner masterpiece. In sum, Costner out-directed Martin Scorsese and totally deserved his Oscar though no one cares to admit that.

But there’s one other thing that no one discusses: Kevin Costner’s bare ass juxtaposed against the endless South Dakota landscape 🥰

The only image that pops up when you Google “Kevin Costner’s bare asscheeks”

2. City Slickers

From what I recall about this film, in the midst of a midlife crises Billy Crystal gives birth to a cow and begins a passionate love affair with Jack Palance – all whilst herding cattle through the mountains of Montana. I remember enjoying it thoroughly. It was quite progressive for its time.

But it’s finest moment was in the opening act as a construction worker retells a story to a classroom full of kids.

3. Next Friday

I can hear you now. “But Next Friday came out in 2000 😭😭😭,” you say. Shut the fuck up! It was (probably) filmed in 1999 therefore making it a 90s movie.

Sure, Friday was also a good ass film. But Next Friday has Mike Epps and that alone makes it the superior movie. Plus it has this scene:

4. Blankman

If you know me, then you know that I’m a sucker for a good busting-your-pants scene:

5. Breakdown

Kurt Russell in the desert. He can’t find a place to shit. JT Walsh is a truck driver. He’s cruising for transgender prostitutes. Kathleen Quinlan. She’s fine AF. When their worlds collide, it’s like being smashed by semi truck at the bottom of a creek bed. Plus, lots of full frontal nudity from Walsh. Very underrated actor.

6. From Dusk Till Dawn

Some say QT can’t act. But have you ever seen From Dusk Till Dawn? Watch him go toe-to-toe with Harvey Keitel as he asks for an ice bucket.

I’m gonna go on a limb and say that this was QT, Robert Rodrigues, AND George Clooney’s finest hour.

And those are the only good movies from the 90s. Sorry folks 🤷‍♂️

2 thoughts on “Good ass 90s movies

    1. Okay fine, I’ll admit: ‘Dunstin Checks In’ was pretty good too.

      And I agree with Daniel Stern. While obviously im a fan of his work in Bushwhacked, to me his finest hour was his breakout role with Roy Scheider in Blue Thunder. It’s kinda like Top Gun, only with helicopters


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