a few shit films

I’m enjoying being a shit film connoisseur.

I wish I started doing this years ago instead of being a pretentious dick when it came to movies.

And believe it or not, there’s a specific art to making a really bad film. Not any joker off the street can do it. Now I watch countless movies per week, most of them godawful. But a couple of them stood out this time.

Btw, you can find these films on Tubi, which again, is a shitty app with too many goddamn commercials but they do have a pretty good selection.

Slaughter High (1986)

I don’t remember the 80s. Not because I was too young, but because, like everyone else, I was too coked out to pay attention. But I love a good nerd-revenge flick.

Sadly, this movie lacks the balls-to-the-wall energy of such classics like Toxic Avenger. Nevertheless, despite the filmmakers’ best intentions, they made a somewhat effective movie.

There’s a few good kills, surprising nudity (male and female), questionable decision making, Caroline Munro, bad American accents, and just overall good 80s fun.

Nothing spectacular, but if you’re doing a B-movie binge, you could do worse. And that’s my official endorsement 👍

Don’t Go in the Woods (1981)

Aimless screenplay, horrible dialogue, atrocious editing, halfassed ADR, cartoonishly violent…and sometimes hilarious…killings: this is the recipe for the perfect shit film.

Usually people walking around in the woods makes for a terrible, boring movie. Not so here. Its incompetence is its main attraction.

Sometimes I’d argue that the choice of blood can make or break a film. If you’re gonna make a slasher movie, make that shit as absurdly bright as possible. That really makes the killings pop.

They made that decision here and it changed the complexion of what could have been an otherwise bad terrible film.

So if you have a couple of hours to spare, these might be worth your time. There’s a lot worse things you could be doing. 🤷‍♂️

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