Tag: United States

Ranking the 50 States (the average/underrated states)

Like I said, there’s something that I hate about every US State. Really, they need to be done away with altogether. But the states on this list are alright, for the most part.

29. South Carolina

There’s a religious-like devotion to this state that I don’t understand. But, to be fair, if you can ignore the outright bigotry and hatred, you might find a pretty decent vacation spot that features a little bit of everything.

28. Wisconsin

If you are a full functioning alcoholic, I hear that Milwaukee is the town for you. And all Wisconsin residents swear up and down that something called “the dells” is pretty nice. Unfortunately, this state contains what we call “Green Bay Packers” fans, and that knocks it down a few pegs.

27. Oklahoma

People talk shit about Tulsa, but I’ve always had a good time there. Oklahoma City is nice. There’s a number of casinos (half of which I’ve been kicked out of). Outside of that, it is kind of a boring state. Except during tornado season. Gotta watch out for those.

26. Washington

“How fucking dare you not put us in the top 10!” Washington residents are thinking. But no! How fucking dare YOU, Washington residents! You guys lie to everyone about how beautiful and how many things there are to do in your state! But outside of the Seattle region…which is admittedly pretty cool…your state is BORING! And it’s about time someone said something!

25. Nebraska

“You’re ranking Nebraska above Washington?” you might be thinking. Yes. Nebraska is also a notoriously boring state, but at least the residents can admit that. Plus Lincoln is a pretty good college town.

24. Iowa

To be honest, I’m my mind, I think of Iowa as only a slightly better version of Nebraska. Sorry.

23. Montana

There’s some national parks, mountains, whatnot and whathaveyou. All of it beautiful. That’s enough to put it in the upper echelon. But outside of the land and some of its history, it’s actually kinda boring.

22. Kansas

“You’re putting Kansas above Washington and Montana?”…yes. Yes I am. Kansas is America’s bread basket. Plus, Kansas City, although mostly in Missouri, is a great fucking town and I’ll gladly give Kansas some of the credit. And a lot of you have been sleeping on Wichita. Shame…shame on all of you for not recognizing this sooner.

21. Indiana

Oh shit, I forgot about Indiana. Sorry Hoosiers, I overrated you guys.

20. West Virginia

Sure, you can’t throw a rock in West Virginia without hitting a meth lab. But make no mistake, this is a REAL ASS place. It ain’t for the weak. And I can respect that.

Ranking the 50 States (the ‘meh’ states)

These states are only slightly better than the ones on the prior list. Which isn’t saying much.

39. Massachusetts

No one wants to say it, but Massachusetts is the Florida of New England. And it’s a toss up as to which state is more racist.

38. Connecticut

Speaking of New England, Connecticut seems like it’s the only state in that region that has a meth lab problem. Plus there’s no real reason to live there unless you can’t afford NYC or Massachusetts.

37. Alabama

Alabama is what Mississippi would look like if the Magnolia State had any self-respect. Still though, Alabama doesn’t have much going for it other than college football.

36. Ohio

Like I’ve said before, I’ve only spent maybe 20 minutes in this state. But for whatever reasons, I just love to shit all over Ohio. Probably because, like Mississippi, people get so butt fuckin hurt when I do so.

35. Virginia

Unlike Maryland and Delaware, I acknowledge that Virginia is an actual state. But the northern half can go fuck itself, while the southern half should become a part of North Carolina.

34. North Carolina

I’m sure people love living here. Unfortunately this state hosts four ACC schools and all four of them suck.

33. Alaska

Beautiful state. But I don’t think Alaska catches the shit I think it deserves. People are weird, and not in a good way (unlike the next state on the list). It’s also cold and has a shit ton of grizzly bears. Fuck that.

32. Louisiana

I hate putting Louisiana this low. People are weird, but in a good way. And New Orleans might be the best shitty city in the US, which counts for A LOT in my book (and I like the food too). Unfortunately it might be the ugliest state geographically.

31. Pennsylvania

Pittsburgh is probably a cool place. And again, I’m sure people love living there. But the only knock against PA is Philadelphia. That is the most unfortunate city in the US

30. New Jersey

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Why is New Jersey ranked this high?”. And that’s a valid question. There are more assholes living in NJ than there are people. But I can appreciate that. If I found out tomorrow that I had to spend the rest of my life there, I wouldn’t be disappointed. I’d probably fit right in.

Ranking the 50 States (Bottom 10)

Personally, I think the idea of “states” is dumb and antiquated and they should be done away with altogether. But I’m gonna rank em anyway.

Here are the bottom 10:

50. Delaware

Besides being the first state and being suspiciously corporate friendly, there is nothing noteworthy going on with Delaware. The state could disappear tomorrow and no one would miss it.

49. Maryland

I was gonna rank Maryland higher, but fuck it. Fuck their flag too. AND their crabs. Along with Delaware, Maryland should become a real state by just joining Virginia.

48. Rhode Island

Oh, you’re the smallest state? That’s cool.

47. Mississippi

Congratulations on not being at the very bottom. I know a lot of Mississippi residents get pissed when you call their state a “shithole”. But it is by every conceivable metric. And I don’t understand the point in being very active in denying that.

46. Idaho

“Woah woah woah! What did we do to rank this low?” people from Idaho are wondering. Because other than potatoes, a blue football field, and Napoleon Dynamite, your state is boring AF.

45. Florida

Florida’s got nice beaches. But that’s where it ends. The cost of living is rising, half the state is about to be underwater, and drunk driving is the leading cause of death (based on stats I will not provide). Sure, all the new housing and buildings look nice, but it only masks the lingering anger and drug abuse issues everyone is experiencing.

44. Arkansas

Hot Springs, Conway, and Fayetteville are nice. Eureka Springs might be the coolest small town in America. Those are the only nice things I have to say.

43. Michigan

There’s something about this state that makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. Seriously, I can’t think about Michigan without getting a splitting headache.

42. Wyoming

If Wyoming is so nice, why does no one live there? 🤔

41. Illinois

I hate putting Illinois down this low. People hate Chicago, but that city’s never done anything to me. Everyone I’ve met from the Land of Lincoln have been lovely. It’s the least offensive state I can think of, and that might be what’s wrong with it.

40. North Dakota

Speaking of inoffensive, there’s also North Dakota.