i miss the lockdowns 😟

I don’t know if we’re out of the woods on COVID. But damnit, the lockdowns low key slapped. The problem with going out into public nowadays is that everyone’s nice.

What’s up with that?

I miss being threatened with violence. Where are all the middle aged white guys itching to pull out their .22 because I wear a mask that says “I ❤️ eating ass and 9/11 was an inside job”?

Home Depot just isn’t the same anymore.

That’s why I shop at Lowe’s, with everyday great prices and constant harassment.

Lowe’s: Never Stop Improving.

sorry i have dementia

So I was meandering around Home Depot when an old lady asked “Can you help me lift this box sonny?”

“Sorry, I forgot to take my Celebrex,” I said.

Then I saw my ex-wife. “How are the kids?” I asked.

“I don’t have kids.”

“You don’t? We fucked from one end of Albuquerque to the other.”

“Do I know you sir?”

So I went to take a shit. I dropped my pants and sat on the toilet when a strange man said “dad, that’s a display!”

Then it occurred to me: I also forgot to take my Razadyne. 🤷‍♂️

THE END