son of a bitch!

In my ongoing blood feud with Amazon.com CEO Jeffrey Bezos, the billionaire has made me a laughing stock by publishing my latest book Vanitas (available on Amazon.com) in the size of a goddamn college textbook. You could say I’m partially to blame because I “don’t understand how dimensions work”. But we all know that’s bullshit.

Bezos set me up for failure. Plain and simple.

Now I could theoretically go back on Amazon KDP and adjust the dimensions to make the physical copy more aligned with a traditional paperback size. But that would be admitting defeat. I don’t make mistakes. Every action I take is a highly calculated and I execute it without error. This time is no different.

Jeff Bezos thought he lured me into making an error. But the truth is he was an unwitting agent working on my behalf. In other words, while he was playing checkers, I was playing 4D Chess. Confused? Let me walk you through this. When Vanitas was published, Bezos thought he was confusing me with all these “dimensions” to choose from (16×9, 6×9, 420×69, etc). But little did he know that Vanitas was such a perfect product that it didn’t matter what size the physical copy would be. IN FACT, the larger the better. Because if Hollywood comes a-callin’, Vanitas would be automatically available in script size. So BAM! I just saved producers time AND money.

THAT’S called thinking four steps ahead! THAT’S called being a genius! So checkmate you bald bastard!

Get your copy of Vanitas TODAY at Amazon.com!

What’s done is done

Vanitas is now available on Kindle for $4.20. It will be available in paperback form on November 21st.

There’s been a lot of controversy about self publishing on Amazon. But Capitalism can’t be stopped folks. Jeff Bezos owns everything; from my entire bibliography to the underwear around my waist. Like you, I’m a slave to The Man. But unlike you, I stand in solidarity with James Bond himself as a fellow peon to the Amazon.com. So in many ways, by self publishing with Amazon KDP, I’m actually fighting AGAINST the oligarchy by providing my services at basement prices. I’m the good guy here.

All 164 pages of Vanitas will be available in paperback form at the low price of $79.99.

Wes Lexner x 4

Big news.

Last night I announced that Anaideia will be published in book form sometime soon. I’m on my third or fourth draft so far and I’ll probably have it ready before the end of the year. It’s an unusual story and if submitted, I’m sure publishers will have plenty of notes about changes that I will be unwilling to make. I am nothing without my artistic integrity. Therefore it will be self published. Because of my beef with Amazon over their hostile takeover of James Bond, it is unlikely I will be self publishing with their services. I will let you know once I find an alternative method.

But news also dropped that Dead Star Press will be releasing Stories No One Should Read, a collection of short stories written by yours truly. It’s a game changer; a paradigm shift in English-language literature. This is the critical juncture where the decades old craft of shitposting becomes an elevated art form. Future critics will both praise and curse my name.

Now if you recall, the toilet factory convinced me, essentially at gunpoint, to return to school to quote “get a real fucking diploma”, end quote. So that will be taking effect next week. My time will be limited. Mind you, nothing will ever stop me from updating this blog, not even death. But posts might appear intermittently. I partially use this website to publish first drafts of long form content, which is what I did with Anaideia and will continue to do with kingdom of god. In fact, the latter will probably take more than a year to complete since it’s my first “serious” work. If I’m not able to maintain focus, then I will return to the good old days of shit posting.

With that said, Stories No One Should Read and Anaideia will probably be the last things I will publish for the next couple of years.

Thank you for your attention on this matter.

Eh, whatever

Am I happy with the paperback quality of The Detective James Series? Nope. But it’s good enough and I have no intention of fixing its issues. What’s done is done. I ain’t Ridley Scott; there will be no Director’s Cut.

Only fools trip on things behind them. So I will no longer put any time and effort into fixing this creation of mine. All my critics and haters can suck my dick.

So be sure to purchase your copy on Amazon and please please PLEASE leave a review. They took down my review because Jeff Bezos is a mother fucker, so I don’t care if you actually read the book. That’s not important. Just talk about your day or your favorite color. What IS important is that you give it five stars 🙏

Thank you and I will love you forever. And when I mean forever, I mean FOREVER. 😐

it is accomplished

As of right now, I’m a published author. And as a published author, that means I’m a professional writer. So I’m one of the cool kids now.

Don’t worry tho. Maybe one day you’ll be cool like me (probably not though).

Anyways, finally got that shitty ass book The Detective James Series: Vol. I submitted to Amazon, so it might be available to purchase (in both Kindle and paperback form) in the next few days.

I don’t recommend publishing a book. Even self-publishing is a pain in the ass. It’s a lot of formatting and rewriting and blah blah blah. It really sucks the fun out of it. So if you have a manuscript that no publisher will pick up and you’re thinking about self-publishing, do yourself a favor: throw it in the trash and forget all about it.

Just fork over a couple of grand and let someone else do it for you.

You’re welcome. And be sure to pick up your copy of The Detective James Series: Vol. I on Amazon 😀

More good news

The Detective James Series: Vol. 1 will be available in paperback starting whenever. I’m still editing it so the pricing and all that shit is being worked out.

The only thing that sucks more than writing is the rewriting so this might be my only post for the week.

I’ll keep you updated.

Hell freezes over

Available July 17th will be my Detective James series on Amazon for Kindle. This includes Once Upon a Time in Montana once when that’s finished. This means that those stories will no longer be available on this blog after the publishing date. Why July 17? Because I need to give myself enough time to edit, write an acknowledgment and introduction, etc.

Paperback versions MIGHT be available at a later date.

Look, I never once believed that I would make a living as a writer. I do this for my own amusement only. And I already feel bad for charging people $4.20 to download (it should’ve been $0.69). I was just fucking on Amazon, alright? It seemed like a funny thing to do at that moment. So if you download it for Kindle, I will do everything in my power to make it worth your money.

And if you do want a paperback version, leave a comment, message me on my socials, etc etc. I’m trying to gauge interest.

K. Bye!