what is a reel ass dude?

Definitions vary. But in short, it’s any person that rides a fine line between being insane…or criminally stupid…and a total menace to society.

Which leads to a bigger question that I get asked everyday of my life: how does one get inducted into the Internet Ruined Everything’s Hall of Fame of Real Ass Dudes (IREHOFRAD)?

Because this is such an elite club, one must meet the following criteria:

1. Demonstrated clear excellence in insanity or stupidity. But their eccentricities can’t lead them to be perpetually in jail. Remember, being a menace to society is a clear disqualification for being a real ass dude. Serial killers, mass murderers, and Harvey Weinstein will never qualify.

2. That being said, there are bonus points for criminal activity. DUIs, robbery, minor drug trafficking, embezzling, manslaughter, fraud, etc, are perfectly acceptable. Sex and hate crimes, however, are an automatic disqualification. OJ Simpson totally rides the line here.

3. Have outstanding achievements in the fields of entertainment, business, sports, politics, technology, etc, that will stand the test of time REGARDLESS of their insanity, stupidity, and criminal activities. A prime example here is Bobby Knight. The man had no business coaching a college basketball program who nevertheless won three national titles. This is why Knight was the first inductee into the HOF.

Basically to get into the Hall, inductees must exemplify, or outright facilitate, the decline of society’s collective super ego.

Have someone you want to nominate? Let me know in the comments.

On the ballot next year is OJ Simpson, Brett Favre, Lyndon Baines Johnson, and Donald Trump. Only one can get in.

Brett favre: real ass dude

https://news.yahoo.com/defendant-ex-governor-ordered-payments-232005570.html

Brett Farve is perilously close to being added to my real ass dude HOF. All he has to do now is kill someone and he’s automatically in.

Last I checked, Mississippi had just under 3 million people living there. Yet somehow Farve got himself involved in one of its biggest corruption scandals.

Allegedly, he didn’t know that he received embezzled money. But something tells me that it wasn’t because no one told him. It probably didn’t occur to him that what he was doing was unethical.

Hey, we all make our mistakes. But Brett Favre has a history of making mistakes that only real ass dudes make (making ill-advised throws, sending dick pics to reporters, wearing jorts, etc.)

So keep going Brett, you’re almost there. I’m rooting for ya!

the Robert Montgomery Knight institute 4 leadership studies

I don’t know if it’s my hatred for the Indiana Hosiers (not just the basketball program, but the entire state of Indiana) but I find Bob Knight to be a hilarious person and it’s absurd that he was employed by IU for so long.

I can’t wait for the university to put up a statue of him throwing a chair or choking a player outside of Simon Skjodt when he passes. Meanwhile, we all pretend like he wasn’t a complete douche-aroo his entire career.

Anyways…

I love this article describing the destruction of the relationship between Knight and his most successful pupil…the undisputed GOAT of college basketball: Mike Krzyzewski.

https://sports.yahoo.com/excerpt-inside-the-unraveling-of-coach-k-and-bobby-knights-complicated-relationship-135331037.html

Bob Knight is not only a basketball HOFer, I’m also including him as the inaugural inductee into The Internet Ruined Everything’s Hall of Fame for being a real ass dude. Truly the GOAT.

Bruce arians HoFer

It’s day three being tobacco free. Everyone and every THING pisses me off.

Bruce Arians retired. Which was enough to annoy me. Then I read this bullshit:

Well TOO late buddy! You guys should have thought of that before putting Jimmy “fucking” Johnson in the Hall of Fame.

When it was announced a few years ago that Johnson was going to be inducted, many were shocked that he wasn’t already in. I was the only one shocked they were letting him in at all.

“😭😭But he’s got two Super Bowl rings and restored the Dallas Cowboys as America’s team 😭😭,” you might cry.

Well guess what? Have you ever considered that Jerry Jones was RIGHT when he said any coach could have led the Cowboys to the Super Bowl…especially after Barry Switzer won one two seasons later with the same team?

That’s right: I’m Team Jerry Jones in this fight!

And besides, according to Mike Asti, we shouldn’t count Johnson’s two Super Bowl wins because the Cowboys had a stacked roster that included THE MOST SUCCESSFUL RUNNING BACK OF ALL TIME.

Sorry, if you have a talented roster and you’re a head coach, you don’t get credit for the wins. I don’t make the rules 🤷‍♂️

My point is that Jimmy Johnson (and, honestly, Dick Vermeil) is the benchmarks that all modern coaches must hurdle if they want to make the Hall of Fame.

And Bruce Arians hurdles it pretty well. Arians’ career was technically shorter than Johnson’s: 8 full seasons as a head coach, and one season as an interim for 12 games (a season in which, it should be noted, he won NFL Coach of the Year). In those 8 full seasons, Arians became the winningest coach for one team (Arizona Cardinals) and led the other one (Tampa Bay Buccaneers) to a Super Bowl win. His win/loss record, including the playoffs in that 8 year stretch is 86-51-1. If you include the one year as interim HC for the Indianapolis Colts (where again, he won CoY), that record stretches to 95-54-1…in nine seasons.

Jimmy Johnson’s record in nine seasons (including the playoffs)? 89-68.

Yes, both coaches only achieved 2 division titles. And Johnson went to the postseason 6 times compared to Arians’ 4. But again, the HoF committee would have to reckon with Arians’ one “unofficial” year as Indy’s head coach, because that team DID go to the playoffs (where Chuck Pagano resumed head coaching duties). So, technically, Arians went to the playoffs 5 times.

Also, Arians won CoY twice, where Johnson won once. Might not mean much, but every little bit helps.

Therefore Bruce Arians’ career can be summed up here: 95-54-1, 2xCoY, 1xSB winner.

Compared to Johnson: 89-68, 1xCoY, 2xSB winner.

Look, I’m not saying that Bruce Arians SHOULD be in the Hall. My argument is that if you’re gonna put Jimmy Johnson in, you definitely have to put Arians in.

GOAT

Poor Warren Moon.

He didn’t get drafted because the NFL is racist. He never advanced to a Super Bowl. And his number and name is in the rafters in a city he never played for.

Additionally, of all the NFL throwback games I find on YouTube involving the Houston Oilers, Moon loses in all of them (including, most infamously, “the Comeback”, which was not Moon’s fault). Fortunately, the NFL did the right thing, and put him in the HoF.

Now Moon played contemporaneously along side other HoF QBs like Joe Montana, Dan Marino, Jim Kelly, John Elway, Troy Aikman, Steve Young, and Brett Favre. And I gotta say: if I had to draft a QB from the guys on the list, I’d still take Warren Moon.

I prefer my football to be exciting. And once when the Oilers initiated the “Run and Shoot” offense, that shit was good. But more importantly, I prefer a strong-armed QB. Now Elway, Marino, and Favre had notoriously powerful arms, but it’s one thing to have a cannon. It’s another thing to harness that power. Moon perhaps wasn’t the most “accurate” QB (nobody really was back in those days), but when he threw the ball, it was a thing of beauty:

Nobody throws a spiral like that. I mean, I can. And have. But you can’t. Nor can any other NFL QB. Because there’s a whole science behind it: