Sorry folks. Been sick all week. Sick of this SHIT that is. Sick of this summer heat!
That is until I got a phone call. I cleared my throat and picked up my old rotary phone. “Hello?” I answered. “May I ask the name of the asshole calling me?”
“Uhh, hello,” the voice said. “Is this a Mr…,” then the voice trailed off.
“Uh huh?” I asked.
“Beau Mantegna?”
“Montana,” I said. “You know. Like Al Pacino in that one movie.”
“Oh I see,” the man said. “Well I’m calling to tell you congratulations!”
“What the hell for?”
“Our editors have your stories 2051: A Space Monstrosity, The First Coming, and A Shot at the Title. First they notified the FBI about a possible serial killer on the loose. Then they lit the manuscripts on fire out of fear they might conjure Satan himself. Then, after they thought the nightmare was over, they found the manuscripts in pristine condition, as if they were never torched into a blackened dust and cast into a deep pit where no man could ever lay eyes upon them again. So, not wishing to unleash the power of Pazuzu — or whatever Child of Hell you might possess — we decided publish your works into a single collection.”
“Oh wow. Gee. I don’t know what to say,” I said.
“Well I guess we should extended our gratitude to you for not casting our souls into eternal damnation,” the man explained. “But we figured that we would do humanity a disservice by not providing a warning to the consumer. That’s why we’re titling the book Stories No One Should Read.”
“But do you think that will sell?”
“As a business, we hope so,” he said. “But as moral beings, we hope that we haven’t unleashed the Apocalypse onto the world. Satan awaits his kingdom. So may god, if there is one, have mercy on our souls.”
You know what that means right?
This is great news! The good folks at Dead Star Press have agreed to publish Stories No One Should Read. So be sure to check out their website to purchase books from other great authors and buy some merch while you’re at it! Support indie publishing!
Needless to say, the news has made my summer a whole lot better. Heh. It sure does put things into perspective don’t it? I guess this summer heat isn’t so bad compared to the raging inferno that is hell 😏
