So I was minding my business at Home Depot when an employee harassed me by the power tools. He came up to me slightly perturbed with an abundance of rage radiating from his eyes. He came to me and said “do you need help sir?”

I nodded and told him, “Yes. I’ve been standing here for 8 hours waiting for someone to help me! Can you tell me the difference between the Ryobi 18V impact drill and the DeWalt 20v orbital sander?!”

“Of course sir. One’s an impact drill and the other is a sander.”

“Uh huh. And which one would you recommend to clean out a p-trap?”

“I recommend you go to the plumbing department for that.”

Finally I had enough of his shit. “Don’t get snappy with me young man!” I told him. “I’m just looking to find tulips to plant in my garden! Don’t be a fuckin asshole! What’s happened to this country!? Used to be a man could come to Home Depot and get his salad tossed in the paint department! Now he can’t even get tugged off in the garden department! Your generation has fucked everything up!”

“But I’m 78 years old sir.”

“Oh yeah?” I said sarcastically. “Well if you’re so smart, can you tell me where to find spark plugs?!”

“For your lawn mower?”

“No! For my 85 Dodge Daytona!”

The employee nodded and gently placed his had on my shoulder. “I think you’re looking for an AutoZone sir,” he said.

Boy did I have egg on my face! 😅