NWA

Shiny Happy People was a trip down memory lane. I lived in Northwest Arkansas and was heavily involved in the Independent Baptist movement when the Duggars were up and coming. We did cross paths a few times. The documentary series mostly focused on some creep named Bill Gothard and his Institute in Basic Life Principles, whom the Duggars were a front for. I’ve never heard of Gothard before this so I wasn’t THAT close with the Duggars, but I can provide a little bit of insight into this strange world.

Not to brag or anything, but I was on harder shit than Jim Bob and his family in regards to fundamentalist thinking. My church would have deemed Bill Gothard as a goddamned liberal Christian. So I was slightly farther to the right than these guys. I should point out that it wasn’t because my parents were particularly religious. I was just a lonely teenager looking for a purpose. I’m not proud of it, but it happened

Northwest Arkansas, home of Walmart Corporate and the University of Arkansas, is rife with these sort of charismatic Christian institutions. Ronnie Floyd, the Southern Baptist Convention president who got caught up in that institution’s sex abuse scandal, has his mega church located in Rogers.

But my experience with the Duggars came through the mostly forgotten Jim Holt senatorial campaign in 2004. Holt, along with his wife Bobye, were interviewed for Shiny Happy People. In fact, Bobye provided key testimony in Josh Duggar’s trial. To my surprise, Bobye was wearing PANTS in the interview, which was a big no no in the Duggar circle, indicating that the Holts have liberalized their views in the nearly 20 years since the last time I saw them.

I was heavily involved in the 2004 Holt campaign. In fact, I stood between Jim and Bobye when he gave his concession speech to Democrat Blanche Lincoln live on air. Believe it or not, the Democratic Party had a stranglehold on Arkansas politics in those days, so he never had a real shot at winning. BUT, people should have took notice. I have more money in my bank account now than Jim Holt did at the end of his campaign, yet he still managed to garner 44% of the vote. This was a sign of things to come for Arkansas politics.

What’s interesting about this is that while campaigning, I was under the impression that the Duggars and Holts were not on the best of terms with Governor Mike Huckabee (or with John Boozman, then US congressman and now senator who’s also from Northwest Arkansas). Yet in the documentary, Huckabee can be seen passionately defending the Duggars. I know that Jim Holt wasn’t a fan of Huckabee, probably because the governor wasn’t all that conservative during his time in leadership. It’s only when he gained a national profile did he start lurching towards the right. I assume it is post-2008, when Huckabee launched his presidential campaign, when he came closer to the Duggars. Whether this put a strain on Jim Bob and Jim Holt’s relationship, I can only speculate.

In the documentary, Jim Holt stated that he regretted doing an interview at the Jones Center in Springdale in 2002 or 2003 which presumably launched his statewide profile and solidified his reputation with the Duggars. He didn’t elaborate on why he regretted it, but to me he always came across as a genuine and thoughtful guy. After he lost the senate campaign, I know that he took it hard. Politics is a dirty business and I’ve often wondered how much Jim Bob tried to strongarm him into running in these doomed elections (Jim Holt later ran, and lost, in a race for Lt. Governor).

Anyways, Jim Bob Duggar was always a con artist and it was obvious to anyone that ever met him. And that’s all I got to say about that.

The College Football Uniform Playoff (Part I)

This is part 1 (of 758 parts) of dissertation on college football uniforms. I will be grading EVERY uniform in the Power 5 conferences and the Group of 5 schools. Later, they will be going head to head in a playoff system that I will completely pull out of my ass.

So let’s begin with the Southeastern Conference (SEC).

The SEC, which currently consists of 14 schools, is commonly known as the toughest conference in college football. However, in my view, they have the weakest uniforms.

14. Alabama

The Alabama Crimson Tide may be the greatest college program in football history but their uniforms suck ass. Their mascot is an elephant with a limp trunk. You’d think with as many titles as they have, their mascot’s trunk would be fully erect and slapping opposing counterparts around. So that’s a missed opportunity. Plus, they have numbers on the side of their helmets. Grow the fuck up!

13. Texas A&M

Maroon is a very popular college color. But I don’t give a shit. It’s boring, plus the A&M font sucks. Additionally, the A&M logo looks like “ATM”.

12. Mississippi State

Watching Miss St. and A&M play is one of the most confusing things you’ll ever see. That being said, Miss St. does a lot better job at rocking the maroon, plus the logo with a simple ‘M’ and ‘State’ draped over it ain’t too shabby. Simple, but effective.

11. South Carolina

I want to like this uniform, but again, the maroon-ish color is killing me. That’s a pretty good helmet though and the black alternatives are kinda dope. And kudos to any team that calls themselves “Gamecocks”. 👍

10. Vanderbilt

Congrats to Vandy for not being the worst in this category. I like the name ‘Commodores’. I like that they have Lionel Ritchie as their mascot. Pretty solid logo and helmet. But that black and gold is kinda ‘meh’.

9. Arkansas

I hate Arkansas. Both the state and everyone in it. The football program can kiss my ass too. But ‘Razorbacks’ is pretty good name and the logo ain’t to shabby either. As for the uniforms, they’re pretty basic, but the cardinal red really pops.

8. Tennessee

Goddamn I want to love this uniform. People talk shit about the checkered orange pattern from time to time, but that design makes sense. A lot of interstate construction crews run through Tennessee, so those colors are an accurate representation of that state. The problem is that not enough is done with this bold color scheme. The ‘T’ logo is pretty bland to boot. The alternative grays aren’t too bad though.

7. Auburn

As you’ll find out, I’m quite generous to teams that sport orange. I don’t particularly like navy blue, but its pairing with burnt orange pays off here. My issue with this uniform though is the white helmet and pants. If they went for a solid navy blue across, it would probably be one of the best in sports.

6. Mississippi

This is just a solid uniform throughout. Though honestly, I wish they ditch the navy blue and run with the cardinal red and light blue full time.

5. Florida

First off, fuck Tim Tebow. Secondly, he looked pretty badass donning the orange and blue. While Florida’s colors pop a little better than Auburn’s, they still suffer from the same problem: the white pants for home games. Ditch the white and go full blue. But the helmet is a thing of beauty.

4. Georgia

Nice uniform but that Georgia logo looks a little too familiar. Now This is one of the rare uniforms that I think looks BETTER in its away form. The red helmet with the solid white is really sharp. And fuck Stetson Bennett too.

3. Kentucky

As with Georgia, the white away jerseys mesh really well with the helmets. Kentucky thankfully uses a a fully blue uniform for home games. I don’t even mind the checkered sleeves (which they probably stole from Tennessee). And don’t get me started on those silver helmets 🥰🥰🥰

2. Missouri

I’ve said before that gold (or yellow) and black are probably the two strongest colors a team could put together. And I’m saying it again here.

1. Louisiana State

The helmet alone, in both its white and yellow forms, is enough to propel LSU into the top spot. This means that LSU gets an automatic bid into the tournament (seeding to be determined). In truth, I don’t know if I actually like this uniform or if I just feel sorry for the people of Louisiana (for having to live there). Either way, congrats to LSU for advancing.

Ranking the 50 States (Bottom 10)

Personally, I think the idea of “states” is dumb and antiquated and they should be done away with altogether. But I’m gonna rank em anyway.

Here are the bottom 10:

50. Delaware

Besides being the first state and being suspiciously corporate friendly, there is nothing noteworthy going on with Delaware. The state could disappear tomorrow and no one would miss it.

49. Maryland

I was gonna rank Maryland higher, but fuck it. Fuck their flag too. AND their crabs. Along with Delaware, Maryland should become a real state by just joining Virginia.

48. Rhode Island

Oh, you’re the smallest state? That’s cool.

47. Mississippi

Congratulations on not being at the very bottom. I know a lot of Mississippi residents get pissed when you call their state a “shithole”. But it is by every conceivable metric. And I don’t understand the point in being very active in denying that.

46. Idaho

“Woah woah woah! What did we do to rank this low?” people from Idaho are wondering. Because other than potatoes, a blue football field, and Napoleon Dynamite, your state is boring AF.

45. Florida

Florida’s got nice beaches. But that’s where it ends. The cost of living is rising, half the state is about to be underwater, and drunk driving is the leading cause of death (based on stats I will not provide). Sure, all the new housing and buildings look nice, but it only masks the lingering anger and drug abuse issues everyone is experiencing.

44. Arkansas

Hot Springs, Conway, and Fayetteville are nice. Eureka Springs might be the coolest small town in America. Those are the only nice things I have to say.

43. Michigan

There’s something about this state that makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. Seriously, I can’t think about Michigan without getting a splitting headache.

42. Wyoming

If Wyoming is so nice, why does no one live there? 🤔

41. Illinois

I hate putting Illinois down this low. People hate Chicago, but that city’s never done anything to me. Everyone I’ve met from the Land of Lincoln have been lovely. It’s the least offensive state I can think of, and that might be what’s wrong with it.

40. North Dakota

Speaking of inoffensive, there’s also North Dakota.