82 was a hell of a year

Pop quiz: what’s the greatest song ever written?

Correct. It’s Asia’s Heat of the Moment.

Sure the music video is annoying, but those are quietly the most gut-punching lyrics of the 1980s. Any musically? Don’t get me started. Total respect for Carl Palmer for wailing on the drums over Steve Howe’s lame guitar solo.

Heat of the Moment was released in 1982, which was possibly the greatest year in pop culture. Not only was there Asia’s banger, but we also had Michael Jackson’s Thriller and the Gap Band’s You Dropped a Bomb on Me. For me though, the greatest album ever made was Def Leppard’s Pyromania. Please keep your Def Leppard jokes to yourself, because Pyromania was legit a bitchin record. You’d be lying if you said that you didn’t get goosebumps when Joe Elliot belted “you gone straight to me heeeaaaaad” on into Phil Collen’s guitar solo in Photograph. I know that it was released in 1983, but it was recorded in 1982 therefore making it a 1982 album (don’t get technical with me).

And the Chicago 16 album? Shiiiiiiiit…..

Not only was EVERY song released in 82 a hit, but so was every movie. Ever heard of E.T? What about The Thing? Blade Runner?! Of course, the belle of the ball was the Nicholas Meyer classic, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

Uncle Rico had a damn good reason to be stuck in 1982. If only we could find ourselves there again.

The offense

Sean Connery went through an awkward phase immediately after leaving the James Bond franchise. It wasn’t until the 1980s, when he started getting the “elder mentor” roles, that he finally got his groove back. So I think it’s best if we forget most of the crap he did in the 1970s.

Case in point

That being said, there was one bright spot:

Goddamnit!

I’m of course talking about The Offense, released in 1973 and directed by Sidney Lumet. The only reason why United Artists agreed to make this picture was to lure Connery back into the James Bond franchise. As a result, Connery returned for Diamonds Are Forever, which I think we should all be thankful for because Connery was in PEAK physical form.

The perfect male specimen

Although the 70s were mostly a wash for Connery, his strongest performance did come in The Offense. In the film, he plays a seasoned police detective who suddenly has a mental breakdown while investigating a child predator. As a result, he beats a suspect to death during interrogation.

At the time, Connery was interested in breaking away from the shadow of James Bond. The result was a performance that we never really saw from him again. This is probably the only film where the Scottish actor actually demonstrated his range.

The highlight of the film, of course, is the interrogation scenes with just him and actor Ian Bannon. Both actors really run through the gambit of emotions, both getting the better of each other at different points. The often quoted line from this scene comes from Bannon’s character: “Nothing I have done can be one half as bad as the thoughts in your head.”

The screenplay by John Hopkins really carries the day, but one thing that I wasn’t expecting was how well the film looks. The production design combined with the cinematography creates a brooding atmosphere that seems to mirror the mind of Connery’s character. If I have one complaint though, it’s Sidney Lumet’s direction. It’s a minor issue, but the movie feels a bit too staged as actor’s movements sometimes appear over choreographed. This is especially apparent in the scene where Connery belittles his wife. The script is based on a play so it’s understandable why the movie feels like a theater production, but still, film is a different kind of medium and directors should better adapt the material for the screen.

Nevertheless, this is a great movie as it provided Connery with an opportunity to ACT as opposed to relying on his natural charisma.

To my readers: now that I’ve finished my book, I will begin the process of getting caught up on ALL of your blogs. Thank you for your patience and support 🙏🙏🙏

its pat

As a devout Mennonite, I believe that Pat Robertson will spend eternity in hell. But you gotta admit, as a religious charlatan, he’s one of the GOATs.

Of course, he was no Jim Jones…or even David Koresh…but with all the money he scammed out of the pockets of old people: that’s some real ass shit. And he lived to be 93. So don’t ever let anyone tell you that surviving on pure hatred will lead to an early grave.

So so long to the bigoted and homophobic Pat Robertson. I can’t wait for his Netflix documentary 🙏🙏🙏

it is accomplished

As of right now, I’m a published author. And as a published author, that means I’m a professional writer. So I’m one of the cool kids now.

Don’t worry tho. Maybe one day you’ll be cool like me (probably not though).

Anyways, finally got that shitty ass book The Detective James Series: Vol. I submitted to Amazon, so it might be available to purchase (in both Kindle and paperback form) in the next few days.

I don’t recommend publishing a book. Even self-publishing is a pain in the ass. It’s a lot of formatting and rewriting and blah blah blah. It really sucks the fun out of it. So if you have a manuscript that no publisher will pick up and you’re thinking about self-publishing, do yourself a favor: throw it in the trash and forget all about it.

OR

Just fork over a couple of grand and let someone else do it for you.

You’re welcome. And be sure to pick up your copy of The Detective James Series: Vol. I on Amazon 😀

NWA

Shiny Happy People was a trip down memory lane. I lived in Northwest Arkansas and was heavily involved in the Independent Baptist movement when the Duggars were up and coming. We did cross paths a few times. The documentary series mostly focused on some creep named Bill Gothard and his Institute in Basic Life Principles, whom the Duggars were a front for. I’ve never heard of Gothard before this so I wasn’t THAT close with the Duggars, but I can provide a little bit of insight into this strange world.

Not to brag or anything, but I was on harder shit than Jim Bob and his family in regards to fundamentalist thinking. My church would have deemed Bill Gothard as a goddamned liberal Christian. So I was slightly farther to the right than these guys. I should point out that it wasn’t because my parents were particularly religious. I was just a lonely teenager looking for a purpose. I’m not proud of it, but it happened

Northwest Arkansas, home of Walmart Corporate and the University of Arkansas, is rife with these sort of charismatic Christian institutions. Ronnie Floyd, the Southern Baptist Convention president who got caught up in that institution’s sex abuse scandal, has his mega church located in Rogers.

But my experience with the Duggars came through the mostly forgotten Jim Holt senatorial campaign in 2004. Holt, along with his wife Bobye, were interviewed for Shiny Happy People. In fact, Bobye provided key testimony in Josh Duggar’s trial. To my surprise, Bobye was wearing PANTS in the interview, which was a big no no in the Duggar circle, indicating that the Holts have liberalized their views in the nearly 20 years since the last time I saw them.

I was heavily involved in the 2004 Holt campaign. In fact, I stood between Jim and Bobye when he gave his concession speech to Democrat Blanche Lincoln live on air. Believe it or not, the Democratic Party had a stranglehold on Arkansas politics in those days, so he never had a real shot at winning. BUT, people should have took notice. I have more money in my bank account now than Jim Holt did at the end of his campaign, yet he still managed to garner 44% of the vote. This was a sign of things to come for Arkansas politics.

What’s interesting about this is that while campaigning, I was under the impression that the Duggars and Holts were not on the best of terms with Governor Mike Huckabee (or with John Boozman, then US congressman and now senator who’s also from Northwest Arkansas). Yet in the documentary, Huckabee can be seen passionately defending the Duggars. I know that Jim Holt wasn’t a fan of Huckabee, probably because the governor wasn’t all that conservative during his time in leadership. It’s only when he gained a national profile did he start lurching towards the right. I assume it is post-2008, when Huckabee launched his presidential campaign, when he came closer to the Duggars. Whether this put a strain on Jim Bob and Jim Holt’s relationship, I can only speculate.

In the documentary, Jim Holt stated that he regretted doing an interview at the Jones Center in Springdale in 2002 or 2003 which presumably launched his statewide profile and solidified his reputation with the Duggars. He didn’t elaborate on why he regretted it, but to me he always came across as a genuine and thoughtful guy. After he lost the senate campaign, I know that he took it hard. Politics is a dirty business and I’ve often wondered how much Jim Bob tried to strongarm him into running in these doomed elections (Jim Holt later ran, and lost, in a race for Lt. Governor).

Anyways, Jim Bob Duggar was always a con artist and it was obvious to anyone that ever met him. And that’s all I got to say about that.

I work well with management

I’m not a violent person. Nor a particularly confrontational one. I just want people who get paid to be competent to be competent.

Is that too much to ask?

Like, as a pissant at the nut factory, what happens when I walk around starting fights with people and fuck things up for absolutely no other reason but to swing my dick around? I get fired. So, as a bare minimum, I expect management to not do these things.

“But you can’t begin to know what it’s like to be a manager 😭😭😭” you might cry.

Well, to quote the great Don Draper: “that’s what the money’s for!”

So, as a manager, if you’re gonna ask me if I can handle the pressure, I’m gonna ask you the same. Plus, I just started working there. I have an excuse. You’re an experienced professional.

So what’s your excuse?

Not another Jesus movie

Martin Scorsese has gone on record saying that he’d like to make (another) film about Jesus Christ. I mean, Jesus Christ! How many movies do we need about this guy?

Actually, I don’t have a problem with it. I just wish someone made a movie that questions the Gospel narrative. That’s why I find Scorsese’s other Jesus flick The Last Temptation of Christ to be an interesting (but not great) film.

This is probably the only instance where filmmakers should actually follow real history to provide a dramatic narrative. In filmmaking, or storytelling in general, sometimes it helps to deviate from history to provide a more engaging story. Not that we know a lot about Jesus’s life anyway, but what we DO know about life in first century Judea would provide a fascinating backdrop. If a writer used this knowledge and took creative liberties with the Gospels, they’d have a unique – and violent – story about Jesus of Nazareth.

This is why Paul Verhoeven needs needs to make his Jesus movie while he still can. According to my research (that I will not cite), Verhoeven was the only atheist admitted to the controversial Jesus Seminar back in the day. He’s also written his own biography on Jesus, simply called Jesus of Nazareth. So needless to say, he’s a scholar on the subject.

But Verhoeven is one of the great unsung directors of our time. He’s not afraid of…nay, he INVITES…controversy. And he’s 84 years old. So if Mel Gibson gets to make an unnecessary sequel to his Jesus film, Verhoeven deserves to get his shot.

Rip Tina

What a fuckin legend. Of course she sang what is quietly one of the best James Bond songs in Goldeneye, but in my view, Tina Turner’s finest hour was the music video to the 1984 banger from the epic Private Dancer album: “Better Be Good to Me.”

The song itself is flawless, but not enough credit goes to the music video. You see, back in 1984, artists sort of just did whatever in front of the camera. No one gave a shit. Another good example of this is the infamous music video to Van Halen’s Jump released the same year. For whatever reasons, performers were just too damn distracted to put any effort into their videos.

What I love about Better Be Good to Me though is that the Fixx’s Cy Curnin doesn’t hide the fact that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He wanders on stage inexplicably shoeless, hops around, humps the air, and then outright shrugs towards the end. It was a performance for the ages.

Anyway, Tina Turner will be missed. RIP

Old miss

So I was just minding my own business while loitering in the Publix parking lot when I saw a guy driving a light blue car with an Ole Miss license plate and Ole Miss bumper stickers all over the back. When he stepped out of the car, he was wearing an Ole Miss polo with an Ole Miss hat.

So I stopped the man. “Excuse me, sir, I’m confused,” I said, “where did you go to college?”

He stood there and stared blankly at me. “Ole Miss,” he finally said.

“Ole Miss? Is that a college?”

“Yes. It’s the University of Mississippi.”

“The University of Mississippi you say? Is that in Mississippi?”

“Yes.”

“That’s great! I’m a fan of bulldogs and cowbells too!”

“That’s Mississippi STATE University, sir. I went to the University of Mississippi.”

“You guys don’t have cowbells and bulldogs?”

“No. We’re the Rebels.”

“The Rebels? Like in Star Wars?”

“No.”

“I don’t understand. If it’s not against Darth Vader and the Galactic Empire, I can’t imagine what you’d be rebelling against.”

“It’s rebels from the South during the Civil War.”

“They were rebelling against slavery, right?”

“No.”

“So they were rebelling FOR slavery?”

“Look, it’s just a college mascot.”

“But that’s racist sir. You’re fucked up,” I said while wagging my finger. “You should really be ashamed of yourself…”

Finally the staff called the cops and I’m now banned from Publix for three months. Smh…I can’t believe the nerve of some people. 😔