good news

I’m a proud employee at the toilet factory. They think so highly of me that they’re sending me to Toilet College for a week where I will learn how to make toilets for the rest of my life.

I’m illiterate because I dropped out of school in the second grade. So needless to say I’ll have my hands full.

Good news is that you can expect more shitposts over the next week.

Because Shit is my game, and shit’s what I care about. 🥰

fuck

I’m honestly embarrassed to admit that I bought this book.

I haven’t finished reading it. So maybe there’s some useful information in there somewhere. But I find self-help books to a pimple on the ass of the literary world.

I’m sure the author thinks that this is some philosophical commentary and not self-help. But really it’s just some bourgeois armchair philosophizing, which is how stoicism often comes across to me.

While I don’t consider myself a leftist (all political and religious ideologies require a healthy dose of skepticism) I do agree that there is a large portion of our lives that we have no control over. Even our preferences are largely predetermined by external circumstances. Free will is often recognizing this which then leads to angst, anxiety, and even suffering.

Following this line of reasoning, one might conclude that stoicism would help alleviate that pain. And it actually might to a certain degree. My primary beef with stoicism, and it’s current usage in the zeitgeist and world of self-help, is that it could actually contribute to one’s own delusion by masking real and justified emotional responses to very REAL problems.

It’s kinda akin to Jordan Peterson’s advice to “clean your room.” That’s basically “rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic”…and that idiom is the thrust behind self-help books.

I dunno, this is probably just a pedantic problem that I’ve created in my head. But if you’re in need of Axial-Age sage advice, I’ve personally found Buddhism…stripped of its spiritual and religious elements…to be far more useful as it teaches abstract thinking and encourages you to accept that the only constant in the universe is change.

Just let life take you on a ride man 🤷‍♂️

fckn fans man

My go-to site for nerdish bickering is Trekmovie.com. One of the writers for Star Trek 09 and Star Trek Into Darkness, Roberto Orci, infamously jumped onto fans there a few years ago. For internet anthropologist/historians like me, it’s a goldmine.

Trekkies just aren’t used to having nice things. And Strange New Worlds is a nice thing. Sure it’s not perfect, but overall it’s pretty good Star Trek.

But the latest episode involved a species called “the Gorn” who were first introduced in TOS way back in the sixties. If you’re not a Trek fan, you probably know who they are because a member of that species was involved in one of the most parodied scenes in all of science fiction:

Remember this shit?

In SNW, the Gorn were updated to look more terrifying and were introduced to Starfleet earlier than what canon allowed (SNW takes place before the adventures of Captain Kirk). This predictably caused a shitstorm with the fans.

Look, I can roll with the best of Star Trek nerds. But to most sane people, this is a big nothing-burger.

This is also why the James Bond series is the most underrated of all the long-running franchises. The producers simply don’t give two shits about canon. Each film can theoretically take place in its own timeline. They just don’t get bogged down in the details because their purpose is to entertain.

Arguably, Star Trek serves a different purpose. Still though, fans are missing the forest for the trees. The larger question should be: was it a GOOD episode?

Personally I thought they killed off Hemmer, a very solid character, too soon. But his death did provide a good character arc for Uhura (and laid the foundation for Spock’s most infamous decision in Star Trek II). Obviously they were going for an Alien feel in this episode (which is okay, science fiction series often steal from one another) but overall it was pretty good.

Some fans are angry because the writers aren’t inventing new species to explore. But this “alien of the week” method that Trek fans have become accustomed to makes the series feel paper thin. I like it when writers take the time to explore an existing world. It adds depth.

But this latest Star Trek struggle session only highlights what is perhaps my biggest annoyance. Just because something is old and established, that doesn’t make it holy. The people behind TOS, to include Gene Roddenberry, were making shit up as they went. Besides, no television writer will want to pour through 9 million hours of Star Trek just to make it all add up. Hell, except for myself and Mike Stoklasa, NO ONE would want to do that. And this not only goes for Star Trek, but also for the Bible, Plato, Aristotle, Karl Marx, etc etc. They are all products of man and they can be changed by man.

As fans, we should have only one question: is it good storytelling?

if Tom Brady is so great…

…then why does he suck so much on Madden NFL mobile?

This is bullshit.

It doesn’t matter how much I upgrade him, he still overthrows receivers and tosses an ungodly amount of interceptions. Yet on rare occasion when he hits his mediocre receiver, like Christian Kirk, it’s like a 30 yard gain!

I built up an incredible O-line! If I hand the ball off to Nick Chubb, it’s an automatic touchdown! Yet Tom let’s me down every time smh.

Of course, I’m only playing the app due to procrastination. Writing a novel and having a blog sucks btw. Still tho, the developers need to pull their head out of their ass!

happy fourth!

As we celebrate this nation’s independence while an unelected US Supreme Court does it’s damage, I’d like to discuss the British film Unmasked Part 25.

It’s been a a couple of weeks since I wrote about my journey through the dumpster that is Tubi’s horror catalog. It’s not because I haven’t been watching any films, it’s because none of them have been worth writing about.

That is until I came across Unmasked Part 25.

An important question this movie asks is: what if Jason Vorhees was just a normal guy in need of a romantic companion? And the movie follows through with that question in earnest.

As usual with these types of films, not all of the jokes land. And while it’s competently shot and lit, the sets look super cheap.

But the performances are pretty good. The actors are assisted by a solidly written screenplay and dialogue. Obviously this film was meant to be tongue in cheek, but you’ll probably be more emotionally invested than what you were expected to be.

Honestly, the script is better than it had any business being.

As for the gore, there’s a decent amount of it. Most of it is front loaded in the opening act, but those are some pretty good killings tbh.

So if your family has abandoned you for Fourth of July, you should check out this small and unusual film.

lol

Nothing makes me happier than watching the slow agonizing death of college football.

Maybe I’m just petty.

But when you grow up in flyover territory, college football is only a step or two away from being a full blown religion. Now major college towns across America are facing a sad reality that their football team will never see another title. That is, unless you’re living in Tuscaloosa, Athens, College Station, Austin, Baton Rouge, Clemson, Ann Arbor, Columbus, and maybe Eugene…or in other words…if your school has the money they’re willing to throw around.

But poor Oklahoma and Florida State fans. You guys had the world in your hands, but now you will both be doormats in the SEC once you inevitably join that conference. Smh

At least college basketball is still competitive tho

Don’t let the sun go down on me

Slow day at work, so me and coworkers watched No Time To Die.

I was the only one that’s seen it prior. And I gotta say, it’s better on the second viewing. I think knowing how it ends, you can appreciate some of its intricacies.

There’s kinda a somber tone throughout. And the cinematography is incredible. The film constantly looks like it’s evening, like the sun’s going down on James Bond. And not just for 007, but for Blofeld and Felix Leiter, both established (and parodied) characters in the long running franchise.

It’s a shame that the Academy didn’t give Daniel Craig a Best Actor nod. He really gave a fulfilling performance for a character that didn’t have much depth prior to his portrayal.

But damn it, I knew how it ends. But I couldn’t help myself: I cried in front of all my coworkers.

mens fashun

For a man that dresses like Larry the Cable Guy everyday (I’m not a redneck btw. I just like the aesthetic), I sure do appreciate men’s fashion.

Unfortunately, as all of you very well know, I’m cheap….often to my own detriment.

But these are some of my favorite men’s fashion icons and looks:

Daniel Craig

I’m straight, for the most part. But I will always make an exception for Daniel Craig.

The man can roll around in cow shit in his underwear and make it look good. As far as fashion is concerned, he can do no wrong.

He’s best known for playing James Bond. But, in my humble opinion, his finest fashion hour was in Layer Cake. That film is nearly 20 years old, yet he still makes those clothes look fresh.

Of course, it helps to have a body of a god.

Roy Williams

Fuck UNC and Tar Heel basketball! If it weren’t for Bart Ehrman (honestly, a fashion icon in his own right), Chapel Hill would be North Carolina’s landfill.

The only thing that it’s basketball program had going for it was Roy Williams’ fashion sense. You gotta admit that those were some dope ass blazers he wore.

Mike Tomlin

Mike Tomlin caught some flak a few years ago for not giving a flat fuck about being fashionable. But why should he?

He’s my favorite football coach for multiple reasons. He’s never had a losing season, and he can ROCK a pair of aviators, a baseball cap, and a headset.

Definitely the coolest coach in the NFL

The “70s college professor”

Nothing says sophistication like a corduroy jacket and sweater vest.

Add a pipe and suddenly you’re the smartest man in the room.

Turtleneck and Leather Jacket

Let’s be clear: this is the most powerful look a man could wear.

#Facts

Fake news

Apparently the image I posted above is FALSE according to the great minds of Facebook and Instagram smh

Allegedly, the couple isn’t fucking. They’re “faith healing”.

Since I’ve been firing blanks for the last 50 years, I was curious if this method of conception actually worked. But Facebook and Instagram are too afraid of me asking questions.

I guess freedom of speech is under attack folks. There’s no other way of putting it.

“😭😭😭it’s false information!!!! 😭😭😭” you might say.

There’s no such thing!

Everything you read should be treated as TRUTH until proven otherwise. ESPECIALLY on the internet!!!

THAT’S how free speech works! And I’m DAMN sure not gonna let Mark Zuckerberg, who definitely fact checked this personally, tell me what is FALSE…especially on a platform that I interact with by choice!!!

😡😡😡