From a toilet outside of Bismarck, my cousin Dani was running her mouth on Threads. This time she was saying that the Klingon scene at the beginning of Star Trek: The Motion Picture was the “best” Klingon scene of all time. Unfortunately this post was seen “41,000” times and had just under “800” likes. This means that whatever bullshit falls out of her brain gets more views and likes than any of my THOUGHTFUL and WELL RESEARCHED blog posts. If this isn’t a sign of the impending apocalypse, I don’t know what is. But despite her being a dumb bitch, I think she’s right.
So I’ve been listening to Jerry Goldsmith’s soundtrack nonstop for seven days straight. It’s great. Mahler’s 9th Symphony is a piece of shit compared to it. And what makes this soundtrack so haunting is that badass blaster beam. Just watch the scene for yourself:
There’s a lot of gravity to that sound. It makes you wonder why more soundtracks don’t use it. It’s a top five for sure.
But what’s also great is that opening shot. After showing a giant ominous space cloud, it cuts to three approaching D7 Klingon cruisers. The camera lingers on the center cruiser as it passes underneath and drift toward the opening of V’ger. Imagine seeing that on the big screen. Picture yourself in 1979 and being a fan of some decade-old cheap ass sci-fi show and seeing this. It gives me goosebumps just to think about it.
Unfortunately, this is the most terrifying that Klingons will ever appear. No shade at all to subsequent Klingons though. It just highlights how incredible this scene is. Mark Lenard, as the captain, appears as if he’s Satan himself. The bridge glows like the fires of hell. When the captain speaks, his orders crack the air like a lashing from a cat o nine tails. This is the full wrath of god confronting the cool indifferent force of interstellar space. And god doesn’t stand a chance.
This was the introduction to modern Star Trek. And they sure don’t make em like they used to.
But because of Dani’s newfound influence on Threads, I have delegated her to be my representative. So don’t message me. Don’t contact me whatsoever. Send all your unsolicited dick pics to her. She told me to say so.