Dick pills

I’m an old son of a bitch. Some days I’ll shit my pants at Waffle House. Other days I’ll drive for miles with my turn signal on. Then again, I’ll confuse viagra for blood pressure medication and intensely watch Matlock. At night, I’ll wake up in a pool of piss after dreaming about the Wehrmacht soldier I drowned in shallow mud near the bloody Somme. And when a man thanks me for my service, I’ll pull him closer and whisper I should be in The Hague for the things I’ve done. But dementia has a way of assuaging my guilt. To silence the screams of all the men I senselessly killed in battle, I drink Tito’s Vodka which goes down smooth with a nice can of Coca-Cola. Tito’s™️ For When You Want to Forget War Crimes.

But when the police are dispatched because your grown children have reported you missing and you’re found wondering Home Depot without pants on, be sure to ask your doctor about Razadyne for a mild onset of Alzheimer’s. Side effects may include death and mass murder, to say nothing of the raging nightmare that is waking life.

That’s why I’ve switched to Cialis. It’s hard enough to battle decrepit old age and unrepentant alcoholism. Why struggle with maintaining a long-lasting erection? Though I haven’t had sex in 40 years, sometimes you need that “edge” to drive 90mph southbound in the northbound lane. So go to Bluechew.com, consult a “doctor”, and have a 90 day supply of dick pills sent discreetly to your home.

Bluechew™️—you’re already dead inside. So make it a Blewchew™️ kind of day.