I wish the bathtub scene was cut. It would have been far more effective had James Bond waltzed out of the funeral home announcing he would be at the hotel Tropicana, Mr. Slumber slamming the coffin cover closed, THEN cut to that glorious matte painting of the Whyte House elevated by John Barry’s bombastic score. That would have been amazing. Instead we’re saddled with a brief exposition scene of Bond explaining to Leiter that he needs the real diamonds. Something about this scene seems superfluous. It’s already established that the smuggled diamonds are fake and it would be obvious that the bad guys would be after the real ones. Were they trying to establish who had the real diamonds at this point of the story? Who gives a shit? That would have been established minutes later anyway in the Circus Circus sequence.
Nevertheless Bond visits the Whyte House, a fictional hotel and casino owned by Willard Whyte. He walks past the comedian who saved him from a fiery death and he’s giving a show. The comedian’s name is Shady Tree and he’s flanked on both sides by scantily clad women played by Cassandra Peterson (of Elvira fame) and Academy Award nominated actress Valerie Perrine. Also in attendance is Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd. The jokes are godawful.
After the performance, Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd visit Shady Tree in his dressing room and kill him (off screen). Afterwards, the casino manager Bert Saxby informs the two henchmen that they need to keep Shady Tree alive much to their chagrin. Bond ventures backstage to find the comedian’s lifeless body on the floor.
Unbothered by this, Bond decides to shoot some craps. The mumbling dealer objects to Bond raising the table limit and calls over Bert Saxby. 007 flashes an envelope from Morton Slumber’s Funeral Home, indicating that he’s the man with the real diamonds. Saxby agrees to raise the limit and a woman thrusts herself onto James Bond. Her name is Plenty O’Toole (“named after your father perhaps?”) and she’s played by Natalie Wood’s sister, Lana. The two naturally go back to his room for a boink fest (as the actors did in real life) but it is interrupted by the mobsters we met in LA. It is here where we’re exposed to the best double entendre in the entire series: a mostly naked Plenty steps away to the bathroom, Bond picks up her dress, flicks on a light and is greeted by a mobster with a gun. Bond responds with “It seems you caught me with more than my hands up.” Whatever Tom Mankiewicz got paid for this picture, it wasn’t enough.
Plenty, only in her underwear, gets dumped out a window and into a pool. Bond attacks a mobster but quickly realizes they’re not there to fight. They meekly retreat from the hotel room and Bond finds Tiffany Case in his bed. Naturally she’s there for the real diamonds, a fact she doesn’t deny, but to make it worth his while he begins undressing. I’ve said time and time again that while I immensely enjoy watching Daniel Craig’s ripped body, I wish that they would go back to the dad bod era of James Bond best exhibited here:
TO BE CONTINUED…
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