Tiffany Case and James Bond smuggle the body of Peter Franks, along with a literal assload of diamonds, into the United States via LAX. Bond is greeted at customs by none other than Felix Leiter.
Of all the actors to have played Felix, Norman Burton is among the least mentioned. This is a shame because he’s a good choice: he’s not built like an action star; he’s built like a normal schlubby guy doing his job. Burton plays him as a man who wants to do nothing more than go home and bitch to his wife about all the shit that the CIA puts him up to. That’s totally relatable. Say what you will about Guy Hamilton but the man knows how to cast movies.
But in this exchange between Bond and Leiter there comes the most controversial question of the film: who stuffed the fake diamonds into Peter Franks’ asshole? Tiffany Case or James Bond? This has been HOTLY debated for 53 years but the answer is obviously James Bond. Let me explain: Tiffany Case would have assumed they were smuggling REAL diamonds but, as it is revealed later, the diamonds extracted from Franks’ dead body were FAKE. Only James Bond, MI6, and the CIA could have known that. Ergo, James Bond shoved the diamonds into Franks’ rectum.
It really makes you think doesn’t it? Perhaps these are more thought provoking movies than people remember.
After Leiter’s inspection, the body is hauled away by three funeral home employees, who are clearly undercover mob guys, one of whom is played by Sid Haig (one of a few cult-favorite actors to appear in this film). Bond is convinced to ride in the front seat of the hearse all the way from Los Angeles to Las Vegas. So a few thoughts here: why? McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas is featured later in the movie. Why not fly directly there from Amsterdam? Did Amsterdam not have flights directly to Vegas in 1971? Would audiences have given a shit? As an American intimately familiar with the SoCal area, this has always bothered me.
So Bond and the mobsters arrive at Morton Slumber’s Funeral Home in Nevada. Mr. Slumber and Bond hilariously go through the motions of pretending to give a shit about the funeral process; Peter Franks’ body is burned up and in about two minutes the diamonds are retrieved from his colon and placed in an urn. Bond takes the urn into the mausoleum, retrieves some money, and is knocked out cold by Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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