Redux

I don’t remember what I told you the last time I was here. Probably something to do with wanting to explore other creative pursuits blah blah blah. And I did do that while I was away but those ideas are gonna need to spend more time in the oven. The problem is I felt stalled out here because I didn’t know what else to write about. There’s only so much penis and fart jokes to go around. I was thinking too much. I was too concerned with being “different” from everyone else.

But now I know. The answer was under my nose the entire time: I want to write extended commentaries on ALL the James Bond films. And I mean an entire book-length for each movie.

And I mean EVERY. GOD. DAMN. FILM.

This problem occurred to me while watching Tomorrow Never Dies for the 300th time. Is it a bad movie? Is it the film that the writer, director, producers, and Pierce Brosnan wanted to make? For being a very by-the-numbers Bond film, it is strangely one of the most controversial in the series. I went to bed tortured by the thought that Roger Spottiswoode is to blame. Was it possible that Bruce Feirstein wrote a pretty solid script? Was the project hampered by an unimaginative director with an actor and producers trying to find their footing in the franchise since Cubby Broccoli was dead? I don’t know. I just don’t know. But these are questions begging to be answered, especially considering the franchise’s influence and longevity.

I’ve already started this process with Diamonds Are Forever, one of my personal faves. So in this next phase of The Internet Ruined Everything, I ask you to join me on this very personal journey where I will explore the history of this franchise and what it means to me and to filmgoers around the world.

I’m Beau Montana and I’m a raging alcoholic in Akron, Ohio. This is my story….