Ma Sheila Easton sat stone faced, arms crossed but tits still out, with the rest of the producing crew. Dick was there, gloomy eyed and staring off into space. Kat was terrified. Because sitting next to her was Jimmy, annoyed and red faced as he usually was.
I sauntered in knowing what this meeting was about and ready to have it over with. “Take a seat,” Jimmy ordered me.
“Nah, I’m good,” I told him. “It was only a minor blowup with me and my former agent. I haven’t alerted the media. I’m just stepping aside and letting my grandson take over.”
“He’s still in high school. You know I can’t let him take over a multimillion dollar production,” Jimmy said.
Dan Gillespie rushed into the production office with his suitcase in hand. “Sorry, I was just in court handing Bret Radner’s latest sexual harassment lawsuit when I got word,” he told everyone.” He sat his suitcase down and laid his hands on my shoulders. “James, are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine. But we might have to restructure my deal with the studio.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Jimmy shouted. “We haven’t even shot one frame of film and you’re already causing problems!”
Dan gave Jimmy a raged glance and began wagging his finger. “Jimmy, I can have your ass on a spike!” he warned.
“Relax everyone!” I said. “I don’t understand what the big deal is! Let’s not pretend that we’ve forgotten all the other crazy shit I’ve done!”
Jimmy rubbed his face. “Alright alright,” he calmly said. “Can we have some privacy please? I want to talk to James alone.”
All the producers happily got up left the room. Only Dan stayed behind. “That includes you bucko!” Jimmy warned Dan.
Dan shook his head. “I don’t think so,” he said. “James is my client.”
Jimmy threw his hands in the air. “So be it,” he surrendered.
Kat was the last one out and she shut the door behind her. Dan and I stood at one end of the table with Jimmy on the other. “So,” Jimmy began, “I guess this is how it’s going to be.”
I was puzzled. “This is how it’s always been Jimmy,” I said.
He nodded. “True. But we’ve know each other a long time my friend. I’ll be 80 next month. I was hoping to be retired by now, living the rest of my years with my dear Darla in the Hamptons. Instead, I’m in Burbank trying to reason with a lunatic.”
I shrugged. “What’s your point?”
There was a long uncomfortable silence as Jimmy pondered. “I guess I don’t get it,” he finally spoke. “What is it that you want?”
“I dunno,” I thought. “Money, drugs, sex, booze…”
“No no, that’s not what I meant,” he interrupted. “I mean, you’ve achieved everything that can be achieved. How old are you? You look 90 if you were a day. Why bother with this obvious studio cash grab?”
TO BE CONTINUED…
The Internet Ruined Everything 