“Alright, as executive consultants on this picture the studio is willing to pay out $850,000 in salary and you are entitled to 3% of the gross with an executive producer credit,” Kat explained to Mama Mohammed and Dick. “That is the best that we can do.”
Mama stood up and grabbed the paperwork from Kat. “I agree to these terms,” she said. Then crumpled up the paper and swallowed it whole. “I’ll have the paperwork mailed back to you in week’s time,” Mama concluded and left the room.
“Dick, what about you?” Kat asked. Dick took his paperwork, laid it on the ground and pissed on it. When he was done, he picked up the soggy and dripping paper and put it on Kat’s desk. He too left the room without saying a word.
“Well done Kat!” I said. “You’re a very talented negotiator.”
“What the hell do you mean?” she asked. “Dick rejected the terms!”
“Nonsense! If you noticed, he didn’t indiscriminately piss on the paper. With his urine stream, he very legibly signed his name on the signature line. He agreed!”
“That makes me feel a little better. I guess? But I’m still concerned about Dick and Mama working together. You heard Jimmy. He wants this production to go off without a hitch but I’m afraid that we have an explosive situation on our hands.”
“Never mind Jimmy,” I said. “Kat, when are you going to learn that you don’t need him? You are better than him. I’m just going to say it: YOU need to be head of this studio. We put a lot of work into rebuilding this company and we need to continue being the gold standard in Hollywood. Do you honestly think Jimmy is capable of keeping us on top?”
“Now you shut your mouth!” Kat said with fire in her eyes. “I will have no more talk of me replacing Jimmy, do you hear me?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said sardonically. “Loud and clear.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
The Internet Ruined Everything 