All was quiet under the scorching sun. The lone, naked shrub still lay undisturbed in the barren Palm Springs desert. I watched a coyote forage around then piss on a Joshua Tree. Not even he would bother this useless piece of vegetation that clung onto life in this waterless land.
Everything around me rang of death. Yet here I was. There was the coyote. There was the piddly, useless shrub. Despite all odds, despite the elements wishing death upon us, we survived.
At least I survived this time.
Perhaps the gods did smile upon me, I thought. The devil in these matters…the Hollywood snakes with their venom, as the vipers are to the coyote in this wasteland…are of no match to destiny. Perhaps Dick was wrong. I was a predator. In this sense, I was more akin to the coyote than the shrub. I was the lone wolf. And the executives were my prey.
I took out my penis and pissed on the shrub.
“Providing the shrub substance I see,” Dick said.
I swung around. “Yes,” I said.
Dick approached and grabbed me by the shoulders. “I see you were victorious,” he smiled.
“I want you to come back to Hollywood with me.”
Dick looked to the sand below him and smiled that warm smile. “Are you sure that’s wise?” he asked.
“I’m back in the director’s chair,” I said. “But the fight isn’t over.”
“The fight is never over,” he warned.
“I couldn’t have done this without you. I’m strong but not strong enough. They’ll never stop coming for me.”
Dick nodded and looked up to the burning sun. “If I were to come with you,” he said, “then I want a producer’s credit and 10% of the gross.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
The Internet Ruined Everything 