Congratulations to Bill Moro for being the second inductee into the Internet Ruined Everything’s Robert Montgomery Knight’s Hall of Fame of Real Ass Dudes (IRARMKHoFRAD). His perseverance during America’s darkest hour resulted in bowling a perfect game. This single act has made Bill Moro an internet legend.
This is a controversial pick, I might add. Moro was against stiff competition from former presidents and musicians that a few of my detractors have deemed more worthy. And I feel that I should address this controversy.
The criteria I laid out for admittance into the Hall were clear: candidates must have demonstrated Real Ass behavior IN ADDITION to establishing a body of work that will “stand the test of time” regardless of any extracurricular or unsavory public activities. For many, this meant that Donald Trump would be a first ballot HoFer given his business history prior to holding public office. But as president of this Hall, I felt that Mr. Trump’s Real Ass behavior has greatly overshadowed whatever business success he may have achieved. It is for this reason that I have named Mr. Trump ineligible for IRARMKHoFRAD.
Mr. Moro may seem like an unlikely candidate for this distinction given his lack of credentials outside of the bowling alley on that fateful day. But I believe there is some precedent here. This last year, voters named Don Coryell into the Pro Football Hall of Fame despite his lack of postseason success in the NFL. Voters overlooked this crucial piece of criteria in favor of Coach Coryell’s vast influence over the league. It was the right call, and it’s the right call to name Mr. Moro as this year’s inductee.
Sometimes being a Real Ass Dude isn’t about throwing chairs across a basketball court or encouraging the public to inject bleach into their veins. Sometimes being a Real Ass Dude means demonstrating tenacity and perseverance; of being the one bright spot in an otherwise cruel world. And on September 11th, 2001, as planes were falling out of the sky and buildings were crumbling, Bill Moro demonstrated a fearless feat in bowling alley in Massachusetts.
Welcome to the Hall of Fame, Bill
The Internet Ruined Everything 