To Sire, With Love (Part IX)

“Larry gave me a boner pill,” I explained to Sam as she plunged another massive turd down a toilet.

“You know,” she said, “I really wish people learned how to courtesy flush. I can’t begin to tell you how many toilets I have to unclog everyday!”

“I understand,” I sympathized.

“Or at the very least, stop trying to flush entire rolls of toilet paper after each shit!”

“Sam, did you hear what I said?”

She stopped for a moment to wipe her brow. “Yes Donny, I’m sorry,” she replied. “I just have a lot going on.”

“Can I help you with anything?”

“No, remember what I told you? It’s a liability for guests at the Salvation Army to do any work!”

“Is everything okay? I’m only trying to help.”

Sam put down the plunger and took off her rubber gloves. After she threw them on the ground, she lowered the toilet seat and sat down. “I think I told you too much, Donny,” she said as she rubbed her face. “I’m sorry if I came onto you a little strong yesterday. I’m just a little frustrated.”

“No need to apologize, I get it,” I explained. “I’ve been there before. I mean, look at my life right now.”

“I know, but look: I know you got loads of sperm going unused. But I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t know how to tell my husband that I’m gonna fuck a hobo to get pregnant!”

“I see,” I heavily exhaled. I took the Cialis out of my pocket and held it in my hand. “I don’t want to rush you. My dead ass dick can wait. The mounds and mounds of ejaculate ain’t going anywhere. It’ll be there whenever you need it.”

I put the pill back into my pocket and started walking away. “Please wait,” Sam pleaded. I stopped in my tracks and she stood up. “Donny, I don’t want to keep you waiting,” she continued. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. It’s not you.”

Then she began to stammer. “Besides,” she finally uttered, “I don’t think it’s healthy for you to hold back that much semen. When you have time, perhaps you should let it out in the shower. Just…,” she left me hanging.

“Yes Sam. Yes?”

“…just don’t clog the shower drain,” she concluded, then lowered her head.

I stared at her for a few moments…hoping, wishing, waiting…for something more. When I knew it wasn’t coming, I nodded and slowly walked away.

That night I cried myself to sleep.

TO BE CONTINUED…