To Sire, With Love (Part VIII)

“What the FUCK did you just say?” Larry asked.

“Sam wants me to fuck her silly and give her a child,” I responded. “What’s so crazy about that?”

“Look at you,” Larry stated. “You’re goddamn disgusting! You’re a short, middle aged, balding, fat guy with diabetes. Plus you’re an alcoholic! You’re stupid, and honestly I can’t find one redeeming quality in you.”

“Like I said, my sperm is potent. One good poke is all she needs!”

Larry sat down at the edge of his bed and began rubbing his face. “Okay, so you knock her up. Then what?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you not gonna have anything to do with the child?”

I thought for a moment. “Well, her and her husband will take care of it. No big deal,” I shrugged. “Besides, I already have 11 kids .”

Larry stood up and slapped me across the face. “Are you not thinking through any of this?!” he screamed. “You’re in love with this woman. You’re not gonna be able to fuck her, give her a child, then walk away! If you think you can, then you’re a goddamn fool!”

I got up off the ground and straightened myself out. “Perhaps you’re right,” I said.

Larry didn’t respond.

I walked up to the window and gazed out at the parking lot. “I’ve always been a loser,” I lamented. “I’ve never felt anything for anybody. I’m tired; tired of being lonely, tired of feeling like I don’t belong anywhere. I just need one good thing to go my way.”

“She’s got a husband, you dolt,” Larry said.

I turned around to face him. “Oh yeah,” I replied. “I guess I’m just too horny to think straight.”

Larry nodded. “Your dick don’t work, correct?”

“No, sadly.”

He took a deep breath and began to confide in me. “I told you once that my dick does work,” he said. “But that was a lie.”

“You got a dead dick too?” I ask.

“Shh…keep your voice down fool!” he said. Then he reached into his sock and pulled out a small blue pill. “Do you know what this is?” he asked.

“Your blood pressure meds?”

“No, dipshit! It’s a Cialis! My last one.”

“What’s that?” I shrugged.

“It’s a boner pill,” he explained. “You take this pill and you’ll wanna fuck anything that moves. But if you have an erection that lasts more than four hours, call a doctor.” Then he flicked me the pill. “It’s yours. I won’t be needing it anymore.”

“Larry, I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Just shut the fuck up and go empty out your balls for Christ sake.”

TO BE CONTINUED…