“You know what your problem is? You’ve got your head up your ass!” the roommate screamed at me. “You’re not focused! Your eyes are covered in shit, that’s why you see nothing but shit in the world!”
“First off,” I replied, “what the fuck is your name? And secondly, you don’t know anything about me.”
“My name’s Larry…Larry Tops!” he proudly proclaimed. “And I’ve seen enough of your kind to you’s just an asshole. You think you know everything, but you ain’t seen nothin! You’ve never seen the kindness and beauty of the world. You’ve never seen a man raise his, begging for salvation from the wreckage of his life, only to be pulled out by the kindness of strangers. Until you experience that, you’re just a miserable shitheel from Boston.”
“Meaningless ramblings from a deranged hobo,” I replied. “You’re in denial about your own condition and you think New Orleans is gonna save you. That’s pathetic.”
“I’d rather be pathetic than an asshole.”
I shrugged. “Whatever. At least I’ll die honest,” I said. “What time does Sam come in?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because I want to know. That’s why.”
Larry shook his head and began to chuckle. “It ain’t happening for you pal,” he replied. “You heard her up there. She believes in the future. She believes in hope. What would she want with a sorry sack of shit like you?”
“Now who’s the pessimist?” I asked.
Larry guffawed. “I’ll tell you what: how about instead of wasting away here in Boston, you come down to New Orleans. You’ll see what I’m talking about. Forget this place, there ain’t nothin here.”
“Thanks, but I’d rather take a hammer to my ballsack.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
The Internet Ruined Everything 