Of all the human experiences, eating is the most overrated.
Fucking is the second most.
I get pissed whenever I’m hungry. I have to stop whatever I’m doing and shove some form of digestible objects into my face hole. I hate it.
I eat to live. Not live to eat.
“How do you like your steak?” people always ask me.
“But sir, you’re eating spiders off the ground.”
God put them there.
Cooking is the biggest waste of time. You spend 30 minutes making something that you’ll only enjoy for 10? Fuck that.
“But you’re missing out on one of the great pleasures in life,” you might say.
No. Drugs and alcohol are pleasurable. Food is for survival.
And there’s free food all around us. So don’t judge me for eating the popcorn on the theater floor.
Joke’s on you.