Tag: YouTube

All hornt up and no place to go (part I)

Folks, we are at a strange impasse in human affairs. All of us are in a state-of-emergency level of horniness and no one wants to fuck (except me, of course. I’ve never been horny in my life). This is not the future that any of us had envisioned. If Gene Roddenberry knew what was going on, he’d be rolling over in his grave. Personally, I find sex disgusting. Moreover, I think you should feel deep shame for desiring it. But this isn’t my problem to fix. That’s a burden that falls squarely on your shoulders, bucko. There are, of course, many reasons behind this phenomenon. Internet pornography, sedentary lifestyles, poor diets, being overworked, over stressed, etc etc which has led to a breakdown in social relationships between men and women. Which is why my solution is to shut down everything, fire everyone, and put the gays in charge because as of right now, only they have any sense of moral clarity. But naturally this breakdown has had its political repercussions. Of course, I’m talking about incels here, but I’m also speaking about young men being pushed into right wing spaces more broadly.

I’m not gonna rehash that bullshit here. Plenty of digital ink has been spilled on the subject. Instead, I wish to draw attention to an overlooked microcosm of this breakdown, and perhaps an unexpected one. I’m speaking, of course, of the YouTube ASMR community. For those who don’t know, well —one, listen up grandpa—but two, ASMR is those soft, gentle noises that helps one relax and often provides those inexplicable tingles that go up your back. People who provide these sounds, more often than not via YouTube, call themselves “ASMRtists”. Is it weird? On its surface, yes. And both ASMRtists and consumers are aware of that. To some degree or another, that’s part of its charm. HOWEVER, from my perspective, it’s mostly an innocent community DESPITE being just a hair away from being overtly sexual. It’s like an auditory massage where the masseuse can demonstrate their personality more freely. Can it be sexual? If you want it to be. But if you achieve an erection while listening, much like with getting a massage, than more than likely it’s due to a natural response rather than being totally aroused.

NOW, because this is an internet phenomenon, it was only a matter of time before this community became “pornified”, for lack of a better description. Did all the innocent material vanish from the interwebs? No. In fact ASMR, at least on YouTube, is still overwhelmingly innocent things like tapping, hair brushing, gum chewing, rambling, etc. But there are a number of creators, some popular, who tend to “push the boundaries”, so to speak. Personally, I don’t give a shit. But others believe this to be an abomination. Here’s one such fella:

https://youtu.be/NSncdClbX34?si=vvDfyoRh1fDFlzRN

If you can’t see the video, that’s a you problem. Just click the link.

First off, I respect this gentleman’s reverence for the ASMR community. Additionally, he has at least one good point. ASMR creators who break YouTube guidelines often end up harming other rule-abiding creators in the process. This was a huge problem at least a year ago. And he raises concerns about age and parental involvement. All valid points. Yet in my view, those aren’t his main concerns. His main concern is maintaining the purity of ASMR and the sanctity of YouTube as a platform.

He states that YouTubers who have sexualized ASMR have distorted the original purpose of ASMR. This is a common logical pitfall that falls apart immediately upon inspection. First off, who wrote the rules? Secondly, if parameters were ever established for ASMR, what’s the governing authority that decides the guidelines? Do ASMRtists have to be licensed? And thirdly, most importantly, what the fuck is ASMR? I know it’s an acronym that means something. But really, what is it? Is it a form of therapy? Is it performance art of some sort? We can’t even categorically define what ASMR is, let alone ascertain any sort of purpose. In short, there is no right or wrong way to do ASMR, other than provide some vague notion of relaxation, however defined by the individual consuming it.

Now onto YouTube itself. I get it. Some people spoil all the fun for others. As for protecting minors, it’s the same story. Parents should closely monitor what their kids view and share on the internet. I’m not fully up to date on YouTube guidelines, but perhaps there needs to be more stringent age verification measures. I dunno. Regardless, I fail to see any criminal intent on behalf of YouTubers putting heavy hints of sex in their videos. It’s funny how we get up in arms over the possibility of nudity and depictions of sex but hardly bat an eye when violent images come across our screen. But this fella goes on to state that if you’re looking to goon, you should go to a porn site. Fair enough but it honestly makes little difference. YouTube may be a “public space” on the internet, but it is not a public space in the real world. It’s not a bar. YouTube streams onto our devices, wherever we may be. We don’t stream onto it (unless you’re a creator). If me and another guy on the other side of the world are watching a video simultaneously—me with my pants on, and he with his pants off and dick out—him stroking his cock to the same thing I’m watching doesn’t affect me one iota. But if we were in a movie theater, it would be a way different story. And that’s a big difference. Masturbating in public is crime and it makes people uncomfortable, as where masturbating in the privacy of your own home to legal material is not. It only becomes weird if you start telling people what you’re jerking it to, either in person or on the internet, without being solicited.

Does that make sense?

(Continues in part II)

The Internet Ruined Everything

“You think people was meaner then than they are now? the deputy said.
The old man was looking out at the flooded town. No, he said. I don’t. I think people are the same from the day God first made one.”

-Cormac McCarthy, Child of God

The revolt of the bourgeois has beckoned the end of days because fame, fortune, and power begets not spiritual fulfillment but spiritual degeneracy. The Peter Thiels and the Sam Altmans and the Elon Musks of the world witnessed the warnings of science fiction and found inspiration; where others saw impending doom, they saw a reprieve from their crippling deprivations.

And the vehicle for their apocalypse is the Internet.

When you spend hours upon hours watching YouTube commentary about, well, other YouTubers, it’s easy to see how one could draw this conclusion; maybe the internet has exported this spiritual depravity onto the masses. One would have be devoid of their humanity to not feel heartbroken by witnessing others debase themselves for an audience’s amusement.

The legend of Chris Chan has permeated the internet for years, if not decades, now and perhaps it is the start of self-reflection for the legions online; Chris Chan’s followers encouraged their self destructive behavior and, after years later and the numerous real-world consequences that followed, the internet finally asked itself “did we go too far?”. For me, this legend is more than about Chris Chan; the audience, too, willed this upon the world.

Chris Chan ushered in the “lolcow” phenomenon which was my entry point into the world of long-form YouTube commentary. Spend any amount of time on the platform and you’ll find that there’s no shortage of video essays on this tale. But the authors of these essays not only cover the tragedy of Chris Chan, but they also explore the rise and fall of their peers. Here, I am specifically referencing Turkey Tom and Cruel World Happy Mind, two well-researched scholars of internet history.

But after months of mindlessly binging their videos, I have arrived at a concerning question: are all YouTubers, or indeed all content creators across all platforms, playing a dangerous game of thrones? Can one misstep lead to the summoning of wolves from their peers? I’m thinking of Turkey Tom specifically but this is true for all of us: we better make goddamn sure that we aren’t throwing stones from a glass house.

While the introduction of the internet has enriched our understanding of psychology, mental health, history, science, etc. it also has the unintended effect of dehumanization. To the creator, they are the main character to a scripted stage. And the viewer obeys, seeing the content through the prism of story and arc. In other words, the creator becomes another product among the plethora of objects to consume. And the platform itself, operated by the cold and hard calculations of value extraction, profits off our alienation.

But this is a tale as old as time. There is nothing new under the sun. The internet is only the latest tool of dehumanization used in the hands of the rarified elite. For millennia, kings and queens and billionaires have used religion, slavery, warfare, nationalism, and newspapers to other and dehumanize for their own gain. And we, the masses, have willfully adopted their cruel panorama of human affairs.

The skeptic might view the king and billionaire as a comrade to cynicism. But as it has been revealed, there is nothing cynical about the Thiels and the Altmans and the Musks. They see themselves as the arbiters of human value and the internet is a living avatar of this psyche.

Yet religion, slavery, warfare, and nationalism persist. There’s no putting the nuclear paste back in the tube. But we can restore our value and diminish our technological epoch’s stranglehold to fight against the violent bombardment from our nihilistic overlords. And we can save the day….

…until the next paradigm shift.

songs that should be available for karaoke

Nothing pisses me off more than waking up at 5am, cranking up the volume on YouTube so I can wake up my family, and I’m unable find my favorite song to blow out my vocal chords to.

It’s bullshit and the makers of karaoke videos need to get off their lazy asses and make a version of the following songs:

Mike Reno-Whenever There’s A Night

Avett Brothers- I and Love and You

Kings of Leon- Cold Desert

Houndmouth- Sedona

Lucero- Chain Link Fence

what is truth?

Obviously I’m going through a Bart D Ehrman phase. It’s not because I agree with him most of the time or that I find him a master debater (sorry, had to say it). It’s because he’s the only public intellectual that I can think of at the top of my head that has a genuine passion for teaching.

Because Ehrman’s area of expertise is the Bible, specifically the New Testament and early Christianity, people naturally have strong opinions about the subject. Some people, specifically atheists but a few Christians aren’t exempt, like to use this subject as a way to “trigger” their opponents.

This is a fad on YouTube. The “Intellectual Dark Web” (IDW), or guys that found fame on the internet during the “alt-Right” hay day (people like Sam Harris, Jordan Peterson, Ben Shapiro, etc.) perfected the science of “triggering” (also known as “owning the libs”) and many online personalities have attempted to emulate it, including leftists with varying degrees of success. It’s a way of weaponizing information.

This phenomenon is not exclusive to discussions on the Bible, religion, and politics, but even movies and fucking geography!

Because “owning the line” is currency on YouTube, this has led to many quaks pretending to be experts littering the platform and distracting us away from those trying to present information in good faith.

Just because an opinion triggers someone, that doesn’t give it more credence. But that appears to be sound logic in some circles. Even if the opinion is true, if presented in a way that’s designed to give offense, that doesn’t make the one with the opinion more noble or virtuous…it makes you an asshole.

Thankfully my man Ehrman avoids that.

respect for Blippi

Anyone have a toddler?

So my wife got disturbed at the actor who plays Blippi, a YouTube character for kids.

“What? Did he do gay porn? Every guy has done gay porn (not me of course, I’ve never had sex),” I asked my wife.

“No. I don’t want to say. Just google it.”

So I did.

And I was glad I did. Because apparently the actor once played another character called “steezy grossman” where he made gross out videos. In one such video, he poops all over his friend.

“But it makes sense for him to poop on his friend,” I told my wife. “According to Wikipedia, the character was born as poop because his parents had anal sex. Don’t you understand art? Idiot.”

Apparently parents were pissed off about this. I don’t see what the problem is.

Has everyone forgotten about Jackass?

A dude goes into a hardware store and shits in a display toilet. It was hilarious. And if that dude started a children’s show on YouTube nowadays, no one would bat an eye!

I applaud Blippi (whatever the actor’s name). My son loves the guy. He’s got versatility.

He’s got skill, talent, a natural performer. None of us have the balls to do what he did (and does).

A Massive Leap in Logic

I love ghosts. Or, I should say, ghost videos on YouTube.

Do I believe in them? Not for a second. But they are fun as hell to watch.

Unfortunately I can’t talk about my love of paranormal and extraterrestrial videos because everyone has stupid options about the subject. Again, do ghosts exist? I’ve seen no compelling evidence for it.

Do intelligent extraterrestrial beings exist? Almost certainly. Have they visited earth? I’m open to the possibility but I gotta see some compelling evidence.

And that’s the extent of my opinion on ghosts and aliens.

But because everyone wants to believe, they’re willing to bend logic and intelligent comprehension of reality to support their belief. No one stops to think how insane this is:

See an object in the sky you don’t recognize? It must be inter dimensional aliens.

Did you blink and see a dark object in the corner of your eye? It’s gotta be ghosts (or, again, inter dimensional aliens).

Of course this massive leap in logic infects a lot of discourse. Our internet-poisoned brains permits this leap in our politics. For example: “the government once lied about some things, therefore they’re always lying about everything”, or “there are corrupt and bad cops, therefore do away with the police.” This leap undermines the complexities and nuances of an event or events and conclude all thinking, leaving the matter insufficiently examined.

This is just laziness.

To have a view, especially of the political nature, you gotta do some heavy lifting. Everyone wants to have an opinion, but no one wants to do the work in having one.