Have you ever considered falling face first down a stairwell?

Have you ever shit your pants in a crowded cinema?

Have you ever felt more alive after “forgetting” to take antipsychotic meds for three weeks straight?

Well I have good news! 17 out of 114 psychologists recommend reading Vanitas by Beau Montana! Currently ranked in the top 4,281,429 books on Amazon.com, Vanitas is a timeless story about love, destiny, and unhinged arson in the American West. The Akron Beacon called it “a book clearly written under emotional duress” while the Albuquerque Sentinel said it was “the equivalent of getting stung in the scrotum by a scorpion.”

But don’t take my word for! Read our testimonials:

I used to cry myself to sleep because I could still hear the screams of burning children after a napalm run in the La Drang Valley. Then I read ‘Vanitas’ and now I accept the raging inferno of hell that awaits me in the afterlife.

-Anonymous

All governments and institutions have lied to you. All of us will soon be a slave to the technocratic state; individuality stripped from us entirely. In the very near future, we will be nothing more than an insignificant cog in a vast machine designed to benefit the few. You are worthless. Even death will be no escape. They will prolong your misery indefinitely; as long as there’s blood left to be wrung out. That’s what reading ‘Vanitas’ is like. Highly recommend.

-Ted Kaczynski

So what more do you want from me? A rimjob?! Go to Amazon.com and get your copy of Vanitas today!