Deer self

My therapist told me to write a letter to myself where I tell myself how valuable and important I am to myself to make myself feel better about myself. So here it is:

Dear Self,

I am so proud of the person you have become. It’s been awhile since they’ve asked you to leave the premises of a Home Depot and you no longer “accidentally” walk into a bank wearing a ski mask. You may not be perfect, but by god you’re trying and that’s the important part.

Now I know that this letter may come as a surprise to you, but personally I think you’re a genius. Fuck the haters. I know that it’s illegal to drive drunk through a school zone, but the police are just jealous of you. They’re always following you and asking about your “whereabouts”. But I have some advice for you: cut off that ankle tracker and go live your life. Steal your ex-wife’s car and flee down to Mexico to live your dream as a bartender like Tom Cruise in Cocktail.

Just keep believing in yourself buddy. No one can stop you: not God, not the Federales, NO ONE.

You’re bulletproof.

Love,

Beau Montana

Year End Review

So my goal for next year is to watch more movies. A SHITTON more movies.

Which makes me think: what was the best movie I saw in 2022? And unfortunately, I have an answer (and you’re gonna hate me for it):

Top Gun: Maverick 😔

Other than bangin Kenny Loggins soundtrack, I don’t remember shit about the Tony Scott original. Was it about fighter pilots? I don’t know, nor do I care. The important thing is that Maverick was WAY better than it had any business being and I think that took everyone off guard.

Part of the reason why I enjoyed it so much is because it told to me how far I’ve come along. If I saw this three years ago, I would have been railing against the military-industrial complex and Scientology and how evil American public is for enjoying such a glorification of aggressive US foreign policy.

But those days are over.

After watching Maverick, I am more than happy to suit up for the Navy and firebomb Dresden all over again. And that’s thanks to Tom Cruise and the power of filmmaking.

Now I’m not gonna write another thesis on the importance of Cruise and his impact on Hollywood. There’s plenty of that shit on the Internet already, although it is nice to be reminded that he can still put on a performance. Instead, I want to talk about how dialed back Maverick feels.

Remember, this movie could have easily been a piece of shit. But it wasn’t.

Cruise was smart. This was his film and audiences desired to see him return to one of his most iconic characters. There was no need for an overly complicated plot or contrived villain or actors needlessly wondering in front of a green screen for two hours. The filmmakers kept it simple: do what made the original so beloved and add emotional depth.

I think that’s why Maverick feels so oddly refreshing: it’s a reminder to audiences that mainstream films can still be good and it tells Hollywood that “hey, sometimes all you have to do is tap the ball into the hole. You don’t have to overreach.”

So for whatever reasons, Maverick feels like it’s a turning point in mainstream film OR it’s the last hurrah for old Hollywood. OR our expectations have gotten so low that we cheer anything that modestly hurdles it.

Eddie and the tom cruisers

Here’s the link to that article:

https://academic.oup.com/jaac/article/68/4/355/5979888?fbclid=IwAR2qyZVg_oC0j2Lr9Fe4e-k7r_RyYX04w79xTFGibJ4LUwO6Ur7X-vyNifI&login=false

Of course I didn’t read the article. I don’t know how to read. I’m sure it’s interesting.

But I don’t know what it is about Cruise. I remember becoming aware of this phenomenon while watching Mission:Impossible II. I was absolutely creeped out when he told Thandie Newton “damn you’re beautiful.”

Tom Cruise should never EVER be that intimate with someone. No one wants to see that shit.

I suppose Cruise is the last of the old-fashioned male Hollywood hero. We don’t want any sort of emotional connection with him. He’s a blank canvas on which we can project our fantasies onto.

The moment he breaks that facade, we’re grossed out…like I was while watching MI:2.

I kinda explored this concept with the stupid ass “John Cannon” character from The Last Coming (or the First Coming, whatever the fuck it’s called): an over-the-top manly man, but once when you peek behind the machismo, you wish he’d kept that shit to himself. (Of course that’s probably a deeper analysis than what that story deserves)

It’s an archetype that’s almost gone out of vogue.

But I suppose we should appreciate Tom Cruise for what he is: essentially a relic from a bygone era. He’s been doing his thing for the last 40 years. And at this rate, he’ll probably be doing it for 40 more.