Tag: Toilets

A shart too far (part II)

I think my favorite type of guy is the guy who will shit in every toilet he sees. Like, I worked with a guy who would blow up the break room toilet where dozens of coworkers, both male and female, would congregate and then he’d walk out and the stench of raunch shit would blanket the break area and the dude would act like it was nothing. And when I was in the Army, there was a tool crib/warehouse-like area that had an open air bathroom attached to it, and this mother fucker would go in there and blast his asshole every morning for the whole warehouse to hear. There seems to be an unspoken rule about certain toilets at the workplace, like some toilets are meant for pissing only. No matter. If a toilet can handle shit, someone will inevitably shit in it. It’s a hardwired rule of the universe, much like Newton’s laws of thermodynamics.

Shit loudly. Shit proudly

Ending the year on a bang

Shit’s got real. While the rest of you will be drinking and driving your way into the next year, I’ll be making battle plans.

You see, management at the toilet factory has declared war on its employees and the future of toilets hangs in the balance. Lines have been drawn, friends are now enemies, and enemies are now friends.

Not gonna lie, I may not survive.

So next time you pull down your pants and take a shit, think of me; think of all the workers that have made it possible for you to lay a turd in a bowl of water and then flush that shit water down into a sewer. A lot of blood, sweat, and tears went into making the modern world possible. Gone are the days where we throw our shit and piss onto the streets and cause the Bubonic plague.

So hug your families, celebrate with friends, and wipe your ass carefree knowing that there’s a thin brown line of workers standing between you and the bubonic plague.

God Bless America

Happy New Year