bored

Finally kicked the nicotine cravings, meaning for the first time in nearly 15 years I haven’t been addicted to alcohol and/or tobacco.

And I feel fuckin incredible!

Why didn’t anybody tell me this would happen?

So I’ve just been PUMPING iron. I’m gonna get back into shape.

What sucks is now that I don’t feel like shit 24/7, I’ve lost my creative fuel. That’s right, my misery drives my creative thoughts.

In other words, fuck this blog. Writing is stupid anyway. Might shift into photography/travel which is what I’ve been wanting to do for the last few months.

But that’s an expensive habit and I’m a cheapskate. So who knows when I’ll get around to that.

Deuces!

unstoppable II: stoppable

So I packed too much Copenhagen into my lip and started throwing up profusely.

A woman knocked on the bathroom door and asked “are you alright?”

I said “who the fuck are you?”

She said “I’m your wife, I haven’t seen you in four years and I need child support.”

I said “क्षमा करें मुझे अंग्रेजी नहीं आती”

She said “your son’s here. He wants to talk to you.”

“Which son?” I asked.

She said “Flavio Briatore Alexandro McFinny.”

So I put my ear up to the door and asked “Flavio, is that you?”

“Yes dad,” he answered. “Why don’t you come home? It’s been too long. I miss our time together. You’ve missed too much. I’m getting married this summer. You have a beautiful grandchild on the way.”

“Flavio, I wish it were that easy,” I replied.

“We forgive you,” he said. “All I’ve ever wanted is to be a family. I want you to know your grandchildren. I want us to get to know one another, to make up for lost time. There’s nothing in your past that can’t be forgiven. You just need to forgive yourself.”

Could it be true? Have I been too selfish? Have I been wallowing in my self-loathing for far too long that I’ve missed the important things in life?

“Flavio?” I asked. “What are you going to name your child?”

“Arianna Francesca”

I emptied out all the contents in my pockets: the uppers, the downers, the benzodiazepines, the methamphetamines, the methylenedioxymethamphetamines, the oxycodones, the lysergic acid diethyliamides, the sildenafils, the simvastatins, and my trusty Derringer. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

“You’re under arrest for the possession of narcotics, solicitation, and public indecency. You have the right to remain silent….” the officer said.

THE END 🤷‍♂️