u know what I hate? Your face

“I have a gambling problem,” I told my therapist. “I can’t control myself. I’ve been acting manically: I’ll have advantageous, uncharacteristic sex with my wife. I sometimes load a bullet into a revolver and stare down the barrel. I’ll go 90 in a school zone. I’ll straight up snort Adderall. What’s wrong with me doc?”

“It’s okay, I made the same mistake,” he said.

“You’re a gambleholic too?”

“No, I had sex with your wife.”

THE END