Pittsburg State to NCAA Division I

This is an unusual post. But then again, this is also my 500th post.

If you recall, when I started this blog last summer, the first thing I wrote about was the beginning of the end for the Big 12 conference. It was announced that Texas and Oklahoma were jumping to the lucrative SEC, and I incorrectly believed that the Big 12 was on the edge of dissolving. While clearly the conference didn’t dissolve, the departure of Texas and OU kicked off perhaps what will be the largest conference realignment in NCAA history. Not only will schools face different rivals in the near future, a few Division II teams will be moving up to fill in vacancies left by departing DI schools for greener pastures.

So to mark this milestone, I will be making the argument for a move that will perhaps be one of the final steps in this massive realignment: Pittsburg State University to NCAA Division I.

I mean, why the hell not, right? Plus the Pitt State Gorilla was one of Mike Leach’s (RIP) favorite mascots and the only gorilla…as far as I know…in NCAA sports.

Now if I ever do research for this blog, it’s only the bare minimum. So keep that in mind.

A little bit about the school: Pitt State is located in Pittsburg, Kansas in the southeastern end of the state. It’s football program currently has the most wins than any other school in DII. Currently, they play in the Mid-America Intercollegiate Athletics Association (MIAA) and their biggest rival are the Northwest Missouri State Bearcats.

At first glance, this university appears to be in the middle of nowhere, but it actually sits just outside of the Joplin MO-Miami, OK metro area with a population just under 200,000 people. And to the south sits the Northwest Arkansas region with a population over 500,000. If I had to guess, a large portion of the alumni base live in these two areas. Additionally, the state of Kansas has only two DI football schools: the Kansas Jayhawks and the Kansas State Wildcats (Also, to the north and to the west lie Kansas City and Wichita respectively, neither of which sport a DI football program). Neighboring Missouri also sponsors only three DI football programs (this sounds incorrect, so correct me if I’m wrong).

As far as athletic facilities go, at least as far as football is concerned, I’d say that they could compete with many at the FCS level, particularly after the addition of the Plaster Center in 2015. So, again, in FOOTBALL, Pitt State CAN compete.

The problem is that to qualify for NCAA Division I, schools have to sponsor at least seven men and women’s sports each OR six men’s sports and eight women’s. Currently, Pitt State only sponsors six each. Furthermore, while I don’t suppose revenue is a barrier to entry, it’s probably helpful to have an athletic department bring in a good amount of cash. From what shoddy research I did, Pitt State performs quite well for DII, even outperforming some DI FCS schools like Morehead State University in Kentucky, but it falls way short from many other DI programs in equaling their revenue. Again, this isn’t a barrier to entering DI, but it is PROBABLY a barrier to entering a DI conference because a school has to bring something to the table.

Most of this is an easy fix. Schools add sports all of the time. And revenue would probably increase by moving up to DI. But leaving DII and the MIAA would probably annoy many within the fan base.

But money talks. And given Pitt State’s declining enrollment, a jump to a bigger stage might be the solution it’s looking for. Which is why I see Pitt State possibly moving to DI in the near future.

college teams I love to laugh at

So Meet William Shitz ain’t killing it in the ratings. But you know what? Fuck all y’all. It’s my finest work and if you can’t see that then you’re a stupid asshole.

But you know what does kill it in the ratings?

College football.

So here are the following schools that I love to laugh at because those teams, and their fan bases, suck and I hope their pain lasts forever.

Arkansas Razorbacks

Let’s get one thing straight: the Hogs have been decent under Sam Pittman. But y’all haven’t won a Natty since, what, 1964?

It ain’t happening. It ever gonna happen. Your basketball team will definitely win another title before your football team will.

Fuck the Razorbacks and that landfill known as Donald W. Reynolds Stadium (and the state of Arkansas).

Wisconsin Badgers

Quietly the most overrated team in all of college sports…in both football AND basketball. (I’ll never forgive Frank Kaminsky for flopping his way past the greatest college basketball team in the 2014-15 Kentucky Wildcats and into the national title game). Y’all just got beat by Washington State- AT HOME – but will still somehow manage to stay in the Top 25.

Wisconsin will always be given the benefit of the doubt. And why am I the only one that notices this?

Georgia Bulldogs

Everyone hates on Alabama, but that’s just projection. Tide fans know that their team is better than yours so they don’t give a shit about your trash talk. I can at least share a room with these guys.

Georgia fans? Not so much.

Let’s go out and win a few more titles before you start crowning yourselves the new kings of the SEC. Mmmk?

Auburn Tigers

Honestly, I just feel sorry for you guys. I can’t imagine how the last 15 years have felt. And you guys have been pretty good during that span.

But no matter how well the team performs, the Auburn Tigers will always be the second best in a state that has nothing going for it other than college football.

Michigan State Spartans

The Spartans are the Auburn Tigers of the Big 10 and I can’t think of a bigger insult than that.

Texas A&M Aggies

Pop quiz hot shot! What does the “A&M” stand for?

If you guessed “Assholes & Morons,” you are correct!

I don’t know about A&M fans, but graduates of the institution are the most arrogant I’ve ever met. According to them, you either went to Texas A&M or you didn’t go to college.

So fuck College Station. Fuck Whataburger. And fuck Jimbo Fisher AKA the most overrated coach in college sports.

*****

But you know what’s not overrated? 5% off your next purchase at Dead Star Press when you use my promo code ‘BM5’.

You see, unlike the coaching staff for the Texas A&M Aggies, the authors at Dead Star Press actually have talent. So you wanna win a football game? Don’t bother with Jimbo Fisher’s playbook. Read Joseph D. Newcomer’s “Darkest Day” or Dan Scamell’s “Winston and Raymond” in Dead Star Press’s anthology “From the Dead” instead.

And while you’re there, pick up some sweet ass merch, like this comfortable t-shirt:

So use the code ‘BM5’ and get 5% off when you visit Dead Star Press

Dead Star Press: “Don’t be mediocre like Jimbo Fisher. Be a weirdo!”

GOAT

Poor Warren Moon.

He didn’t get drafted because the NFL is racist. He never advanced to a Super Bowl. And his number and name is in the rafters in a city he never played for.

Additionally, of all the NFL throwback games I find on YouTube involving the Houston Oilers, Moon loses in all of them (including, most infamously, “the Comeback”, which was not Moon’s fault). Fortunately, the NFL did the right thing, and put him in the HoF.

Now Moon played contemporaneously along side other HoF QBs like Joe Montana, Dan Marino, Jim Kelly, John Elway, Troy Aikman, Steve Young, and Brett Favre. And I gotta say: if I had to draft a QB from the guys on the list, I’d still take Warren Moon.

I prefer my football to be exciting. And once when the Oilers initiated the “Run and Shoot” offense, that shit was good. But more importantly, I prefer a strong-armed QB. Now Elway, Marino, and Favre had notoriously powerful arms, but it’s one thing to have a cannon. It’s another thing to harness that power. Moon perhaps wasn’t the most “accurate” QB (nobody really was back in those days), but when he threw the ball, it was a thing of beauty:

Nobody throws a spiral like that. I mean, I can. And have. But you can’t. Nor can any other NFL QB. Because there’s a whole science behind it:

super bowl predictions

I think this will be a pretty good game guys!

Here are my predictions:

Matthew Stafford will throw 11/97 passes for 847 yards along with 11 interceptions and 2 touchdowns (both of which will be called back due to offensive pass interference on a coked-out Sean McVay)

McVay will also throw a controversial coach’s challenge on a 4th and 9 play where Joe Burrow will attempt a QB sneak. Replay will show that Burrow completed the first down.

Final score: 2-0 Bengals (the safety, of course, will come from Matthew Stafford running out of the back of his own end zone due to the curse of the Detroit Lions)

The Bengals will celebrate victory by pouring a Gatorade cooler filled with piping hot Skyline chili onto Zac Taylor.

Take that to the bank!