son of a bitch!

In my ongoing blood feud with Amazon.com CEO Jeffrey Bezos, the billionaire has made me a laughing stock by publishing my latest book Vanitas (available on Amazon.com) in the size of a goddamn college textbook. You could say I’m partially to blame because I “don’t understand how dimensions work”. But we all know that’s bullshit.

Bezos set me up for failure. Plain and simple.

Now I could theoretically go back on Amazon KDP and adjust the dimensions to make the physical copy more aligned with a traditional paperback size. But that would be admitting defeat. I don’t make mistakes. Every action I take is a highly calculated and I execute it without error. This time is no different.

Jeff Bezos thought he lured me into making an error. But the truth is he was an unwitting agent working on my behalf. In other words, while he was playing checkers, I was playing 4D Chess. Confused? Let me walk you through this. When Vanitas was published, Bezos thought he was confusing me with all these “dimensions” to choose from (16×9, 6×9, 420×69, etc). But little did he know that Vanitas was such a perfect product that it didn’t matter what size the physical copy would be. IN FACT, the larger the better. Because if Hollywood comes a-callin’, Vanitas would be automatically available in script size. So BAM! I just saved producers time AND money.

THAT’S called thinking four steps ahead! THAT’S called being a genius! So checkmate you bald bastard!

Get your copy of Vanitas TODAY at Amazon.com!

What’s done is done

Vanitas is now available on Kindle for $4.20. It will be available in paperback form on November 21st.

There’s been a lot of controversy about self publishing on Amazon. But Capitalism can’t be stopped folks. Jeff Bezos owns everything; from my entire bibliography to the underwear around my waist. Like you, I’m a slave to The Man. But unlike you, I stand in solidarity with James Bond himself as a fellow peon to the Amazon.com. So in many ways, by self publishing with Amazon KDP, I’m actually fighting AGAINST the oligarchy by providing my services at basement prices. I’m the good guy here.

All 164 pages of Vanitas will be available in paperback form at the low price of $79.99.

it is accomplished

As of right now, I’m a published author. And as a published author, that means I’m a professional writer. So I’m one of the cool kids now.

Don’t worry tho. Maybe one day you’ll be cool like me (probably not though).

Anyways, finally got that shitty ass book The Detective James Series: Vol. I submitted to Amazon, so it might be available to purchase (in both Kindle and paperback form) in the next few days.

I don’t recommend publishing a book. Even self-publishing is a pain in the ass. It’s a lot of formatting and rewriting and blah blah blah. It really sucks the fun out of it. So if you have a manuscript that no publisher will pick up and you’re thinking about self-publishing, do yourself a favor: throw it in the trash and forget all about it.

Just fork over a couple of grand and let someone else do it for you.

You’re welcome. And be sure to pick up your copy of The Detective James Series: Vol. I on Amazon 😀