𪌠RIP poopy Joeâs đđđ
Tag: remembering
this one Hurts

So I was filling out my pimpinâ March Madness bracket (obviously UK is gonna win it all) when word got to me that William Hurt died.
According to Marlee Matlin, maybe Hurt wasnât the most pleasant person to be around (to put it mildly). Which is another reminder that Hollywood is a terrible, godawful place filled with fragile egos and needs to be nuked off the map entirely.
But this is also a reminder that some of my favorite artists and actors are passing on and we should appreciate their art while theyâre still fresh in our collective consciousness. Some of my favorite performances from Hurt are in Ken Russellâs Altered States, Lawrence Kasdanâs The Big Chill, and David Cronenbergâs A History of Violence.
RIP
i think im selling VCRs here in Little Rock

Bill Clinton, Collin Raye, Evening Shade, Razorbacks beating Duke in 94 March Madness, Sling Blade….
Why was the 90s so obsessed with that shithole state?
golden years

Iâm looking forward to middle age.
Why?
Because it gets me one step closer to being a dirty old man.
âBut getting old sucks.â
For you maybe.
For me, I get better with age. Better looking, better at detecting bullshit, better at fucking (not that I ever have sex). Getting old is great.
For example:
-Get to take viagra. Not recreationally…like I do now…but because you HAVE to.
-Donât have to drive
-Can blame everything on impending senility.
-Piss and shit yourself
-Donât have to have sex anymore
-OR you can fuck all you want because who gives a shit anymore?
As you can see, the pros vastly outweigh cons when it comes to getting old.
âArenât you afraid of dying?â
Fuck no! Living has been an epic pain in my ass.
âWhy not try suicide then?â
Good question. But then that would deprive me of old age. So fuck that.
meh

My news feed has been buzzing the last 24 hours. More so than usual. No, it has nothing to do with the Russians possibly invading Ukraine. Itâs the announcement of a fourth âKelvin Timelineâ Star Trek film.
Unlike most Star Trek fans, I am content with saying that Star Trek died with the last episode of Enterprise. And we all owe Rick Berman an apology (even though he sounds like a legit asshole).
So I donât give a shit about this new film (written by a bunch of writers whose work I also donât give a shit about). đ¨ Spoiler Alert đ¨: itâs gonna suck.
How do I know?
Let me tell you about two men named JJ Abrams and Alex Kurtzman.
Perhaps I shouldnât be too harsh. They did revive Trek. Because of them, there are four…about to be five…Star Trek shows airing. Audiences change. As ridiculous as it sounds now, TOS fans were reluctant to accept TNG.
Now Iâm a TNG fan thatâs reluctant to accept Kurtzman Trek.
The thing that TOS and TNG had in common though is one VERY important thing: Gene Roddenberry. And Roddenberry was succeeded by Rick Berman, who was hellbent on carrying out his predecessorâs vision.
No such chain of succession with this new Trek.
JJ Abrams did do one thing right though: the first 10 minutes of Star Trek 09. And that kinda highlights my biggest gripe with this current set of producers: they are Kliff Kingsbury of Star Trek.
All three movies, plus Picard, plus Discovery, start off fairly strong in their opening acts (or first few episodes) and then inexplicably derail into a total train wreck.
Moreover, this new âcinematicâ feel to Star Trek just doesnât…feel right. Trek works best on a shoestring budget, phenomenal writing, and the perfect casting. Case in point: Wrath of Khan. It is probably the Trek film with the smallest budget, but itâs also considered the best.
Thereâs a Shakespearean, theater-like quality to the Roddenberry/Berman-era Trek that, I think, many fans find appealing (even if we didnât appreciate it at the time).
Of course, those days of television and movies are over (in part, due to JJ Abramsâ impact on the industry) and thatâs okay. Things change.
Which is why we must let Star Trek go.
so im canceled now?

âYouâll be dead in a year if you donât take your insulin,â the doctor told me.
âBut I read in Golf Digest that diabetes is a myth perpetuated by Wilford Brimley,â I replied.
He didnât want to have a conversation about it.
Woke culture gone bananas. Smh
This is bullshit

I canât believe that in the middle of my obsession with Phil Spector, it completely missed me that Ronnie Spector died!
Why didnât anybody tell me?
I guess between Bob Saget and Meat Loaf passing that the news somehow fell between the cracks. But thatâs no excuse!
Pop music wouldnât be what it is without the Ronettes.
Why are all the GOATs dying?
Somebody keep an eye out for Tom Brady. đ
never, never, never say never again

Have I already written about Never Say Never Again?
Fuck it, Iâll do it again.
Never Say Never Again is the best âJames Bondâ film of the 80s
I will die on that hill.
I love that cold open: 007 choking out some dude to the tune of a cheesy love song. Classic.
Also, there are some killer lines:
Bond: âFree radicals, sir?â
M: âYes, theyâre toxins that destroy the body and brain, caused by eating too much red meat and white bread. Too many dry martinis.â
Bond: âThen I shall cut out the white bread sir.â
OR
Moneypenny: âHave you got an assignment James?â
Bond: âYes Moneypenny. Iâm to eliminate all free radicals.â
Moneypenny: âDo be careful!â
Plus, who doesnât love watching a 53 year old, toupeeâd Sean Connery get ogled by a sea of 20 year old women?
And Barbara Carerra Fatima Blush?
You could say that sheâs an âattractive womanâ and made me âsexually arousedâ. But Iâve never had an erection before.
You have. But thatâs because youâre fucked up.
star trek v: the final assault

This was the first Star Trek movie I saw, so maybe I have a soft spot for it.
For the record, I donât think Bill Shatner is the problem here. Iâll defend that man till death. The problem with this film is the poor special effects (mixed in with what I presume to be budgetary constraints) and some of the strange science that flies in the face of the grounded science of Star Trek.
I donât think the script is the problem either. Sure there were some strange decisions. The romance between Scotty and Uhura was odd, especially since it was never hinted before (or after). Trek fans hate the idea of Sybok, Spockâs half-brother…which was also never mentioned before in Trek canon… but Sybok is actually an interesting character. However, the heart of Star Trek, particularly with the original cast, was the trifecta of Kirk, Spock, and McCoy, and this film contains some of the best scenes of them together.
The âantagonistâ, the aforementioned Sybok, was originally intended to be played by Sean Connery. If that had managed to work out, Iâm sure this film would be looked at more favorably. That being said, Laurence Luckinbill does a stellar job making this religious charlatan both sympathetic and charismatic, enough for you to believe that he could rip apart the friendship between the trifecta. Iâd say heâs the second best villain in Trek film (behind, of course, Ricardo Montalbanâs Khan).
But I applaud Shatnerâs ambition here. Harve Bennet, then the head of Star Trek films, hated the idea of âthe Enterprise searching for God, but finds the devil instead,â which may be a controversial concept within Star Trek, but it is an interesting idea in-itself.
Did it work?
Not entirely.
Could it have worked?
Yes. Which is why itâs a shame that Shatner never got a chance to do a proper Directorâs Cut, especially given advancements in CGI technology.
They gave Robert Wise that opportunity with Star Trek: The Motion Picture, and its reputation has greatly improved.
But there is an interesting fan theory floating around the internet: the main plot of the film is Kirkâs dream while camping with Spock and McCoy in Yosemite. You watch the movie, and you can definitely draw that conclusion.
Thatâs how I watch it. And it becomes the greatest Star Trek movie ever made.
Maybe the internet isnât such a bad place after all.
the art of choking

Itâs everyoneâs favorite time of the year: when Americaâs favorite bandwagon team, the Green Bay Packers, makes the playoffs and gets promptly bounced out by a lesser team.
To celebrate this event, during the 49ers game, I decided to choke on viagra pills. I collapsed on the floor and my wife stuck her fingers down my throat like a little baby and I threw up all over the carpet. My wife, god bless her, called 911. When the paramedics and firefighters showed up, they laughed in my face for wasting taxpayer money. But it worked because minutes later, Robbie Gould nailed a 45 yard field goal, sending San Francisco to the NFC championship.
This actually happened btw
So in solidarity with Aaron Rodgers and the Packers, I too decided to choke during the 4th quarter.
Itâs a playoff miracle.