The thin blue line

Good news and bad news. Good news is that I caught up with my clone, the one who was brainwashed with orders from North Korean to infiltrate the Argentinian government. Then I killed him and dumped his body into the Rio de la Plata. Bad news is that the North Koreans caught up with me and subsequently chased me into the Andes Mountains. I’m now living with a lost Incan tribe who worship me like a god. It’s a miracle that I get internet reception at all.

I never thought my life would end up here. But things change on a dime. You know who else’s life changed on a dime?

Randall Dale Adams.

One day, Adams was driving through Dallas, got a job, and met a young man named David Harris. They spend the night getting drunk. They watch a couple shitty movies at the drive-in, then Adams goes home. Weeks later, Adams is charged with killing police officer Robert Wood and is sentenced to death by the Texas justice system. The events of this case is immortalized in Errol Morris’ The Thin Blue Line. In the film, Morris conclusively determined Harris to be the killer of Robert Wood, but due to being under the age of 18 and ineligible for the death penalty, the police and prosecutors chose to convict Adams. After the film’s release, Adams’ conviction was overturned.

Despite the gross injustice portrayed in the documentary, I find comfort in it. I could see myself hanging out with everyone interviewed (except for the landlord of one of the “witnesses”. Despite providing testimony on behalf of Adams, she seemed like a bitch). This includes the police. Early in the film, a tense reenactment of Adams’ interrogation is shown with Adams himself explaining the terror he felt with the police threatening him and even pulling a gun on him. In the next shot, Morris interviews the detective that did the interrogation. He smiles and explains “I had what I call a ‘friendly conversation’”. It’s almost a laugh out loud moment. He was clearly lying and affirming Adams’ testimony. And almost every interview from detectives afterwards is a pattern of them telling on themselves. At some point the film becomes a very, very tragic comedy.

Adams and Harris are both come across as characters ripped from television. Harris is hilariously oblivious to the pain he has caused while Adams has sadly resigned to his fate with humor. The interviews are a testament to Morris’ abilities as a filmmaker. Of course the tight editing, ominous score by Philip Glass, and shadowy cinematography highlight the urgency of the matter.

So next time your chips are down and you’re considering spinning one round in the chamber and putting it to your head, just remind yourself that at least you didn’t get falsely convicted of murder. OR get chased into the Andes by the North Koreans 😬

‘the internet ruined everything’s’ canon of greatest films ever made

You know what the internet needs? Another list of greatest movies.

So, in no particular order:

–The Deer Hunter (1978): I’ve discussed this movie at length numerous times. I think it’s the greatest example of the power of filmmaking.

–Robocop (1987): For the simpletons, this is just another 80s action film. For those that know better, it’s the greatest satire ever made. But each time I watch it, the more horrified I become. The idea of “Robocop” is terrifying. Imagine getting killed in the most violent way, then you get revived and made property of an evil corporation and begin to struggle to understand who or what you are. Hollywood is a lesser place without Paul Verhoeven.

-The Thin Blue Line (1988): This, along with Errol Morris’ (currently known for directing Chipotle commercials) Vernon, Florida are my two favorite documentaries. This is the story about a killing of a Dallas cop and a man getting rear ended by the justice system. I love Randall Dale Adams. He’s an everyday dude that took an unfortunate trip to Texas. We’ve all been there.

–Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982): Yes, I’m a Trek fan. While every nerd has seen this movie dozens of time, I don’t think it gets the credit it deserves. It’s not really sci-fi, it’s more of a Shakespearean tragedy in space. In many ways, this film revived Trek. And director/writer Nicholas Meyer, who knew nothing of Star Trek prior to this, deserves credit.

–Dances With Wolves (1990): I will go to my grave saying Kevin Costner deserved his Oscar. Fuck Martin Scorsese.

–Taxi Driver (1976): We all know Martin Scorsese is a genius. And Paul Schrader may be the greatest screenwriter of all time. In the era of angry, lonely young men roaming the internet, this movie was well ahead of its time.

–2001: A Space Odyssey (1968): if you’re gonna do science fiction, do it right. Everybody knows this movie. And because this movie rightfully gets the credit it deserves, we take it for granted. But, to this very day, it is the most ambitious film ever made.

–The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974): I love movies that satirize a very serious situation. It’s kinda like Dr. Strangelove, albeit this film is dealing with a much less serious subject: the taking of hostages. Every actor is great, but Walter Matthau was an unusual talent. His face alone could carry a film.

–No Country For Old Men (2007): The best movie made in the last 20 years. Cormac McCarthy may be the greatest living author and it ain’t easy adapting his work for the big screen. The nihilism, the existential themes, Javier Bardem, the vast, empty Texas landscape… “okay, I’ll be a part of this world.”

–Blood Diner (1987): Most fans of the B-movie, cult genre are familiar with this film but it should be more widely known with general audiences. Probably the funniest fucking movie I’ve ever seen.

deer Hunter is the greatest movie ever made

Along with Tourette’s Guy and Randall Dale Adams, Michael Cimino is my spirit animal.

And The Deer Hunter is Cimino’s finest hour. Nay…the finest hour in film history.

I always love it when filmmakers buck tradition. Now I love James Bond as much as the next guy. But honestly, I’m glad they killed Bond in the latest movie. I hope they do it in every Bond movie going forward. Don’t give the audience what they want. Give them what YOU want.

And The Deer Hunter does that.

So why does no one mention it as one of the great classics of 70s cinema…up there with The Godfather, Taxi Driver, and Apocalypse Now?

Michael Cimino probably has something to do with that. His notorious flop Heaven’s Gate ruined his reputation forever. But as I mentioned, Cimino doesn’t give the audience a rewarding cinematic experience.

There’s a wedding scene that takes 9 hours for fuck’s sake.

But I’ve said this once and I’ll say it a thousand times: The Deer Hunter is not a film. It’s a fever dream.

You know…you’ve had those dreams that were so powerful that you feel forever changed when you awake. But you can’t explain it to others.

So you don’t talk about it again.

That’s the Deer Hunter.

That’s why it sort of gets lost in the shuffle when the subject of greatest movies ever made is discussed. You can’t explain it.

What’s it about?

It’s about coming back from Vietnam.

But is that what it’s really about?

I suppose it’s subject is of family, of friendship…of surviving…and it’s all loosely held together by a plot of three friends going to Vietnam, getting separated, then coming home.

When the the Deer Hunter is brought up, it’s usually in reference to the Russian Roulette scene. And that is a DAMN GOOD scene, perhaps the most tense in all of film. But the ending is perfect.

Is it meant to be sarcastic? Hopeful? Pessimistic?

It all ends ambiguously and unresolved.

Much like a dream.

Michael Cimino might have been a one hit wonder, but damn…