I’m glad we’re living in a post-truth society.

Last week, when I housesitting for my neighbor, I ran an illegal cockfighting ring in his basement. Apparently the stove was gas powered and I forgot to shut it off 🤷‍♂️ So when I used my vape pen, it triggered a massive explosion, killing 293 people.

The police tried to arrest me for “negligent homicide”, “animal cruelty”, and “racketeering”.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m a sovereign citizen,” I told them. “Problem solved.”

Court date is May 18th