Anaideia 24

I was the first to rush out of the van and I sprinted 80 or so yards past the dirt road and took position. Next up was Dale and he posted up slightly behind me to the right on the other side of the road. Vic soon followed and escorted Jim as quickly as possible to the far right flank.

“I’ll take point,” offered Old Jim.

“Don’t be stupid! I’m an experienced hunter! I’ll take point!” said Vic.

“I’m an old man,” said Jim. “I know Penelope better than anyone.”

With little time to argue, Vic reluctantly agreed and took his position on the far right. Jim proceeded to the front in the middle of the dirt road and we pushed forward. In actuality, we were all on point. Our diamond or rugged ‘S’ shaped formation was designed specifically so that if one of us was jeopardized then each position would have an open shot without having to adjust. This was our “net” to catch and kill Penelope.

At least that was the theory.

As we slowly pushed through the darkness and towards the pass, Dale shouted from the rear. “Hey Jim! How big of a bitch is Penelope?!” he asked.

Jim casually strolled forward and nonchalantly answered. “Oh, about seven to nine feet,” he said.

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Dale responded. “I once banged a seven foot whore in Tajikistan. She had a big ol pair…”

“Keep your voice down Dale!” I ordered.

Vic shouted from the right flank “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “She knows we’re out here. She’s probably watching our every move.”

Despite this reasoning, we pushed forward silently. A few miles down the road we reached the pass. This was the pinch point. Our formation had little choice but to grow in tighter as the walls of a former river nearly engulfed us. It was as dark as dark could be. Not having laid eyes on the pass in daylight, I called out to Vic. “How high are the walls?” I shout.

“About 30 to 40 feet,” he said.

“Jim, how are your eyes?” I say.

“Good enough to see a gnats pecker,” he said.

“Keep your eyes open to the front,” I order. “Dale, you cover the rear. Vic and I will watch the top of the walls.”

In total darkness, all we could look out for was silhouettes against a night sky. As we penetrated deeper into the pass, it appeared our strategy was working. Despite the immense distance between the former Candyland tavern and the other side of the pass, the hours merely felt like minutes in a way that only the fear of death could provide. Sunup was nearing. The night skies were blueing and the opening of the pass was in sight.

“We made it!” Dale cheerfully declared.

This was the first time I had been on this side of the mountain range in over two months. The dirt road leading into the pass reappeared and gently sloped down into a small town in the faraway distance. We collectively breathed a sigh of relief as the morning sun illuminated the desert horizon.

“Unbelievable!” Vic shouted.

“I’ll be goddamned,” chimed in Dale. “Maybe there’s a god after all.”

Old Jim continued to lead the way forward to a small creek flowing down the slope. With the end in sight, the mood of the group shifted and we laid down our weapons. Vic knelt beside the creek to refill his canteen. When he topped it off, he stood up and did a panoramic view of his surroundings. “We should keep moving,” he said as he took a swig.

“I agree,” Dale said as he pissed a heavy stream into the creek.

“Don’t piss for too long,” Old Jim spoke. “Penelope might grab your pecker.”

“Nonsense,” said Vic. “Penelope is very territorial. She keeps a limited range. We almost certainly escaped her clutches. Besides she’s mostly nocturnal.” He then lifted his cattleman to wipe sweat from his brow. But without warning, a cool wind swept across the creek and a grayish blur latched itself onto Vic. The large creature pulled him to the ground and the two tussled with Penelope quickly gaining the upper hand. Painful grunting and piercing screeches filled the air as the rest of us scrambled to react. I emptied an entire Uzi clip into the ground as I struggled to gain aim and Dale pissed on himself then fell into the water. Only Jim maintained composure as he fired the Browning skillfully into Penelope’s hardened skin. But Vic seemingly fought futility as he was dwarfed by the enormous creature. Finally, blinded by a bloodied face, Vic resorted to his only proven method of defense against Penelope as he reached for his Bowie knife and plowed it into her neck and causing copious amount of yellowish blood to splatter on the ground. She loudly screeched before Dale climbed out of the water and fired his AK-47 indiscriminately into her direction. Penelope scampered away towards a nearby ridge as bullets flew.

“Welcome to earth WHORE!” Dale shouted thinking he saved the day.

But Vic was writhing on the ground and with Penelope well out of sight, I rush to his side. “Vic! Vic! Are you okay?” I screamed. I finally gained control of him and while he screamed in agony I noticed his right eyeball was pulled cleanly from its socket.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Anaideia 23

Dale’s ass tormented us in the minutes after Karl’s fatal abduction. The van already reeked of sardine cans and discarded piss cups and his unceasing flatulence only compounded the issue. I couldn’t think straight. An unholy demon was stalking us and my judgement was clouded by the stench of funk ass.

“Dale have you ever considered getting on simethicone?” I ask.

“Poppycock,” he retorted. “God gave me this ass! And by golly! I plan to use it!”

But on more serious matters, in the front seat Vic and I concocted a plan of escape. It was once again a moonless sky and we were shrouded in deep and total darkness. “Are you certain that it’s Penelope you saw out there?” he asked me.

“Absolutely! It’s hard to mistake a bigass naked woman.”

“Christ,” Vic uttered the slammed the edge of his Bowie knife into the floorboard.

“What? You don’t believe me?” I ask.

“Oh I believe you mate,” he said. “I’ve seen her before. I thought I’d never see her again.”

“You’ve seen her before?”

“Aye. I was bear huntin’ near San Gabriel when I saw her standing on a ridge naked as the day she was born. I thought me eyes were deceiving me, mate. I was meters away but her eyes haunted me. They glowed like the fires of Antares and I knew she was fixin to kill me. I raised me rifle but like a flash she appeared in front of me and knocked me to the ground and tore into me flesh like a rabid wolf. Me mind knew I was as good as dead but my body didn’t give in. My arm lurched forward and grabbed her by the neck n’ with me knife in the other hand I stabbed her in the eye and she shrieked a noise I could never forget. She crawled away and ran off into the brush. And like that she was gone like a phantom in broad daylight. Gone as quickly as she appeared. I knew that I was the only man who lived to tell the tale. I swore from that day forth that I if I saw her again that I would kill her.”

“Vic, for all we know that could have been a different Penelope altogether. That was in California. This is Utah.”

“Nae mate,” he said. “Some things in this world cannot be explained. I’m the only man who ever ripped away certain death from her clutches. I know she’s coming for me.”

“I think we’re losing the thread here,” I said. “Our primary focus should be getting out of this basin alive. After that you can return and strangle Penelope til you’re blue in the face. But until then we need to make it through the pass.”

“Aye,” agreed Vic, “each man will need to carry a weapon.”

“What about Old Jim?”

I turn to Jim in the backseat who was still cool as a cucumber as he quietly hummed A Mighty Fortress is our God. I turn back to Vic. “Do you think we should leave Jim here and retrieve him in daylight hours after we make it into town?”

“Nae mate,” he said. “He’ll never survive the night.”

“Young pup,” Jim said in a rare moment of lucidity, “I may be an old man and shit my pants every night but I can still shoot the dick off a gnat. If you’re going up against Penelope, you’ll need every help you can get.”

“That’s settles it then,” I nodded. I shout to Dale in the back who was occupying himself with Pokémon on Gameboy. “Dale, have you ever shot a gun before?”

Dale looked up and thought. “No,” he said. “I’ve held one to my temple a few times but I never fired it.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” I said.

Vic pulled a black duffel bag from under the passenger seat and unzipped it. Inside was Stewart Rhodes’ wet dream: mortar rounds, grenades, an AK, a few Uzis, and everything to fight off a small army.

“How do you find this shit, Vic?” I ask.

“One can never be too prepared,” he said.

We distributed the weapons around to the four of us. “Remember,” I warned Dale when handing him the AK-47, “make sure it’s pointed away from you before firing.” I naturally took an Uzi and gave the Jim the Browning. Then we set out a game plan: we’d stagger out of the van and fan out a few meters away from the other to form a ‘net’. There was no guarantee of survival for everyone. But if Penelope snatched one of us up, she’d be caught in the line of fire.

Before opening the sliding door, I had one more line of encouragement. “Remember, she’s quick as lightening so keep your eyes sharp,” I said. “Also, thank you all for rescuing me. I didn’t think I had so many friend in the world.”

I looked into the eyes of the three: Vic was determined and ready; Old Jim was at peace with the situation; Dale couldn’t have given less of a shit.

I put my hand on the lever and pulled. “Good hunting gentlemen,” I said.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Anaideia 22

Everything that was the Candyland Saloon, everything that Randy had worked for, was a pile of ash on a dry lake basin. Only Karl could muster a tear for the wretched place. He sat dumbfounded on his ass and glared at his bleeding and festering leg wound. “Just leave me here to die,” he told me.

“That’s too good of an ending for you Karl,” I said.

Vic admired the stars in the sky and then looked towards the mountain pass. “We need to get moving,” he said. “The town is 10 miles away.”

Dale removed the sucker from his mouth and signaled to his brown 95 Chevy Astro. “Van’s ready,” he said. “Sorry if it’s a mess in there. Been living in it since I burned my trailer down. I only got a quarter of a tank but it should get us there.”

I kick Karl on his leg and he groans. “Get up,” I ordered.

“I can’t,” he cried. “You done shot my leg!”

“Get up goddamn you!”

Vic pulls me by the arm. “Maybe we should leave him out here,” he suggested.

“Fuck him!” I shouted. “That’s exactly what he wants!”

“Oy, mate,” Vic said trying to calm me. “If you want to seek vengeance, you should go after Randy.”

I took a couple of deep breaths and nodded. “Perhaps you’re right,” I said then looked at Karl. “Perhaps bleeding out alone in the desert is a fitting end for you.”

I turn around and approach Old Jim who in his demented oblivion stood motionless gazing at the desert floor. “Well Jim,” I said, “are you ready to return to the civilized world?”

The breeze swayed his snow white beard as he gazed up to the sky. “The old folks used to say that god created the heaven and the earth in seven days,” he spoke. “But the deceiver dwells in the lake of fire with mouth agape waiting for the fall. I spent half my life in this dead lake. The Bible says that man shall not lay with man and that all homosexuals…”

“Okay, let’s get you to the van,” I interrupted.

I take his arm and slowly escort Jim to the beatup Astro. I roll open the sliding door and lift the old man into a passenger seat. The inside was littered with porno mags and tissue paper and I warn Old Jim to use hand sanitizer after touching anything. After I get him buckled I looked down to see two flat tires on the passenger side. I walk to the driver’s side and noticed the same.

“Fuck,” I said aloud.

“What?” shrugged Dale.

“How did you not notice they slashed your tires Dale?” I asked.

“What’s the big deal?”

“We’re in the middle of the goddamn desert! We kinda need tires to get out of this hellhole!”

“Sorry! I was inside the van all day catching up on some reading! I didn’t have time to notice…”

But before I could strangle Dale, Vic intervened. “Look, it’s nightfall,” he said. “I have enough supplies on me to get us to town. Of course we can’t travel fast because we got the old man but at least we’re not under the blistering hot sun.”

“You don’t understand,” I said. “We’re not going anywhere.”

“Why not?”

“There’s something out there guarding that pass. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me mate,” Vic said.

I stammer around a bit trying to find the right words. “There’s a demon,” I said. “A castoff from hell.”

“A demon?”

“Her name is Penelope.”

Vic swallowed hard. “Penelope?”

“Yes.”

I march over to Karl, grabbed him by the lapels, and lifted him to his feet. “Is there another way out of this basin?” I interrogated.

Karl spat and laughed. “Looks like we’re all hell bound,” he cackled.

I drop him to his ass and throw off my hat. “We have little choice but to post up here,” I said to Vic. “We’ll set up a perimeter and stand guard in shifts throughout the night.”

Vic shook his head. “Mate, in the daylight heat, there’s no way we’ll make it through the pass.”

In a fit of rage, I kicked the dirt and pound my fist on Dale’s Astro. “Hey!” he yelled.

Vic calmly took me by the arm and lowered his voice. “Are you serious about Penelope?” he asks. But before I could respond, a galloping torrent rushed through the basin. A swoosh sound was heard a meter away and the gurgling screams of Karl echoed into the night.

“Into the van!” I ordered. And we all piled into Dale’s cum-stained Astro. Inside, I frantically go from window to window looking for any signs of Penelope. “Did anyone see anything?!” I said.

“I didn’t see shit!” said Dale.

But Old Jim sat contemplatively in his passenger seat as cool as the night air and chewed on his half bent pipe. “The Devil is in the details,” he ominously spoke.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Anaideia 16

It was a frenzied evening of gratuitous sex in the Madam’s garish and glittering quarters. Sure I came. A lot, in fact, and perhaps prematurely. But the whole time I was distracted by my innermost concerns, specifically my monetary situation. When we finished, I laid there naked and sweaty on the soft pink and silk sheets waiting for the shoe to drop.

“So do I pay you?” I ask. “I’m not sure how this works.”

She sits up in bed, also naked, with her large bosoms exposed and she lights a cigarette. “This one’s on the house,” she explains. “Besides, it’s been a while since I’ve had sex for pleasure. I just wish it lasted longer.”

“Sorry about that,” I said. “So anyways, do I sleep here?”

She aggressively shakes her head. “Fuck no. You have a room downstairs.”

“With the rest of the whores? Won’t it get a little loud at night?”

“First off, they’re not whores. They’re paid companions. And secondly, you get used to it.”

“Alright,” I shrugged. “Do I at least get free booze at the bar?”

“No. That comes out of your paycheck.”

“What the hell?!” I exclaimed. “This is bullshit. Randy said…”

“Randy might own the place but this is my show,” the Madam interjected. “He’s barely here anyway. So I’m the ultimate authority at this joint! You got that BUSTER?!”

“Yeah yeah, I got that,” I said. I climbed out of bed, found my pants, and put them on.

“Are you going to your room?” she asks.

“Hell no,” I said as I buttoned up my ragged denim shirt. “This wasn’t the deal I made with Randy. I’m walking out of here, going to the nearest town, and I’m heading home.”

The Madam sat up in bed and grabbed my hand. “Don’t do that!” she said. “Penelope will get you!”

“Shit,” I said dismissively. “A naked woman wondering the desert? I might as well be in Palm Springs.”

“She’ll eat you!” the Madam shouted.

“Yeah okay,”’ I said and finished putting on my boots. I checked myself in the mirror one last time before departing the Madam’s quarters. “Thanks for the fuck,” I said, “thank god I didn’t cry this time,” and I slam the door shut.

I walk out to the creaky wooden balcony and downstairs into the saloon where the night’s revelry was dying down. Old Jim was still shuffling his cards when I approached. “Hey Jim,” I said, “mind if I have your Smith & Wesson?”

“What for?” he asks.

“I’m headed out of here,” I say. “I figured I’d follow the light pollution to find the nearest town but I might need some protection from the coyotes and whatnot. I’ll give the gun to Randy when I see him in LA.”

“Coyotes?” Jim said. “There ain’t no coyotes out there. Penelope is the only creature roaming that desert this time of night.”

“Whatever. I’m still gonna need some protection.”

Old Jim shakes his head and lays the pistol on the table. “You can have my Smith & Wesson,” he says, “but it ain’t gonna do you no good.”

I pick up the pistol and check the cylinder. “Thanks for the advice,” I tell him. I stuff the gun into the back of my pants and tip my hat. “Been nice knowing ya Jim.” I proceed to the front of the saloon and push open the door into the silent darkness.

The dirt road leading to the Candyland compound extended beyond the dry basin and into the mountain range beyond. It was plain to see in daylight but near invisible at night. I had to rely on the glow of city lights from the other side of the range for guidance. The moon was nowhere in sight and the stars glittered like pixie dust on a black canvas. The land, I thought, possessed a serenity of a surreal dream but the uneasiness of a concealed graveyard. I proceed a few miles down the dirt road. What little wildlife remained in these parts cried out like ghosts in the night. Intellectually I knew the legend of Penelope was false, but walking into this dark chasm I understood the fear.

It was maybe five miles into the trek that I reached a valley in this unnamed range. The light flutter on the horizon no longer guided me and the darkness swarmed me like a minacious cloud. Not even the sounds of critters would accompany me into this miscreated canyon. Here nature seemingly stopped; the laws of sense and possibility broke down. Only the rules of an accursed imagination seemed germane to these parts.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Anaideia 15

The man called Karl and I, we incinerated the corpse of Tom by burning his body and grinding the bones and we scattered his ashes across the desert basin. Whoever this Tom might’ve been, where he came from and who his family was would forever be lost to the sands of time. We found no wallet on his person. Believe me, we looked. What they don’t tell you is that it takes a long time to burn a body. If Tom was shot around noon, we didn’t return to the Candyland compound till after sundown.

When we did get back, Karl took out a cigarette and looked towards the blueish hues hovering over the horizon. “Another city boy gets swallowed up by the desert,” he chuckled. “Oh well. I guess it’ll happen to all of us sooner or later.”

I lower the canteen from my lips and shot him a glance. “What do you mean?” I ask.

“Say what now?” he asks after taking a drag.

“What do you mean ‘we all get swallowed by the desert’?” I repeat.

“Oh nothing,” Karl says, waving away smoke. “Just a figure of speech. C’mon, Old Jim probably wants to play cards.”

We enter through the back door of the Candyland bar where all the bits of skull and brain matter were washed away and the place had resumed its usual revelry. Old Jim hadn’t moved from the place where we left him. The Smith and Wesson still laid on the table and he was fumbling around with a stack of cards. Karl sat on one end of the square table and I on the other. “It didn’t take you boys long,” Old Jim says.

“Nah,” Karl said. “This new boy here is a natural.”

Old Jim looks at me with his hard but gentle grey eyes. “So you buried a body before?” he asks me.

“Uh, well…”

Before I could answer, the Madam approached from behind me and rubbed my shoulders. “Can I get you boys a whiskey?” she asks.

“I’ll take a shot of Dickle,” Karl says, grinning his yellowed teeth.

I reach across my body to place my hand on top of hers. “I’ll just take a Miller High Life,” I say.

“Sorry sweetheart,” the Madam says, “all we have is Keystone.”

I sigh. “Very well,” I tell her.

She leaves to gather our drinks and Old Jim shuffles the playing cards. “What do you boys say? Texas Hold em? Five Card Draw?” he asks.

“How bout regular ol poker?” I say.

Old Jim shrugs and deals out the cards. I look at my hand; some 8s, a king, an ace or some bullshit. The Madam returns and lays out our drinks on the table. “Mind if I join you boys?” she asks. No one objects.

I sip on my piss water and begin studying Old Jim. Who the fuck was this old fart? Why would anyone in their golden years want to spend time in this shithole? I figured it didn’t hurt to ask. “So Jim,” I say, “are you retired?”

“One thing you should know, is that a man never retires,” he says, briefly looking up from his hand.

“Do you have family?”

“No.”

“Do you live nearby?”

“No.”

“Do you enjoy the company of whores?”

“My peckers been dead for 20 years.”

“Then what draws you to this place?”

The Madam and Karl sit silently while Jim gathers his thoughts. His hands were trembling while he tried to play his hand. “I just like to play poker,” he says.

“Bullshit,” I say throwing down my cards. “None of us know how to play poker. What aren’t you people telling me?!”

The awkward stillness of the table clued me into the taboo that I broached. The Madam pursed her lips. Karl looks over his shoulder to make sure no one was listening and he leans in. “There are things out there that go against god,” he whispers.

“Yeah I know,” I say, “I’m from North Hollywood. You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.”

“You don’t understand,” Karl reiterates. “There are things – if we can call them that – that seem to be of Satan himself. The natives have feared this place for generations. People disappear out there. That’s why we don’t go out at night.”

“Her name is Penelope,” Old Jim says. The Madam shuddered at the very name.

“Penelope?” I ask. “Is she one of the prostitutes?”

“No,” Karl says. Then he gives me a deathly stare. “She’s possibly the devil herself. She’s seven feet tall; naked as the day she was born. She waits, out there, under the cover of night waiting to devour the body of an unsuspecting soul. Any man who has dared to escape this place has met her fate.”

He had to of been joking I thought. But judging by the solemn faces looking down at the table it was clear this was no laughing matter. “You people are crazy,” I say. “This is probably a bullshit rumor that Randy created to scare his trafficked victims away from escaping.”

“Oh yeah?” Karl said. “Well if you’re so brave, then maybe you should go venture out into that desert night.”

“You want me to go right now?” I say, calling out his bluff. As I stand up, the Madam reaches out and tugs my shirt. “Sit down,” she ordered, “this is foolish!”

“I agree,” I say. “A grown ass man believing in a naked monster is foolish!”

“No! You’re being foolish!” she says.

“Me?”

“Yes! You’ll be eaten alive!”

I was stunned speechless at the level of stupidity at this table. I sit there and rub my face. Karl gets up to sit at the bar and Old Jim goes back to shuffling his cards. As I resume sipping on my piss water, the Madam takes me by the hand. “I know all of this sounds preposterous,” she said, “but it’s true. All of it. There’s no sense in trying to leave this place. You’re perfectly safe here.”

“Madam Joelle,” I said, “I watched a man sitting in this chair get his head blown off today.”

TO BE CONTINUED…