More good ass 90s movies

Maybes I’ve been slightly harsh on the most forgettable decade of all time. I mean, the OJ Simpson trial was a kinda a hoot. So, to be fair, I’ll add a few more movies to the “good ass” list.

1. Goldeneye (1995)

It could be argued that Pierce Brosnan didn’t get a fair shake. But in truth, I don’t think that James Bond quite meshed with the overall 90s aesthetic. It wasn’t a very sexy decade.

With that said, there was one bright shining moment: 1995s Goldeneye. N64’s Goldeneye is clearly the Citizen Kane of video games, so it sometimes outshines its source material. But make no mistake, it’s a good ass movie.

2. Don’t be a Menace to South Central while Drinking Your Juice in the Hood (1996)

Nevermind Jim Carrey, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Mike Meyers, etc…the Wayans Brothers were superior comedic geniuses of the 90s.

Fuck it, their movies are just gonna be the rest of this list.

3. Mo’ Money (1992)

4. Major Payne (1995)

5. Star Trek: First Contact (1996)

I like movies that jam as much crap into it as possible. This is like Die Hard vs. robot space zombies. How this doesn’t get the recognition for being one of the great films of the 90s is beyond me.

Is it because Picard is so out of character? Who gives a shit?

This movie doesn’t waste time either. It’s quickly established that Picard was once assimilated by the Borg then it jumps right into the story. When I explain to kids to be efficient with the audiences’ time, this is example A.

Star Trek dipped its toes into schlock and it paid off beautifully.

And those are the ONLY good movies from the 90s. I mean it this time.

what is a reel ass dude?

Definitions vary. But in short, it’s any person that rides a fine line between being insane…or criminally stupid…and a total menace to society.

Which leads to a bigger question that I get asked everyday of my life: how does one get inducted into the Internet Ruined Everything’s Hall of Fame of Real Ass Dudes (IREHOFRAD)?

Because this is such an elite club, one must meet the following criteria:

1. Demonstrated clear excellence in insanity or stupidity. But their eccentricities can’t lead them to be perpetually in jail. Remember, being a menace to society is a clear disqualification for being a real ass dude. Serial killers, mass murderers, and Harvey Weinstein will never qualify.

2. That being said, there are bonus points for criminal activity. DUIs, robbery, minor drug trafficking, embezzling, manslaughter, fraud, etc, are perfectly acceptable. Sex and hate crimes, however, are an automatic disqualification. OJ Simpson totally rides the line here.

3. Have outstanding achievements in the fields of entertainment, business, sports, politics, technology, etc, that will stand the test of time REGARDLESS of their insanity, stupidity, and criminal activities. A prime example here is Bobby Knight. The man had no business coaching a college basketball program who nevertheless won three national titles. This is why Knight was the first inductee into the HOF.

Basically to get into the Hall, inductees must exemplify, or outright facilitate, the decline of society’s collective super ego.

Have someone you want to nominate? Let me know in the comments.

On the ballot next year is OJ Simpson, Brett Favre, Lyndon Baines Johnson, and Donald Trump. Only one can get in.