Ranking the 50 States (the ‘meh’ states)

These states are only slightly better than the ones on the prior list. Which isn’t saying much.

39. Massachusetts

No one wants to say it, but Massachusetts is the Florida of New England. And it’s a toss up as to which state is more racist.

38. Connecticut

Speaking of New England, Connecticut seems like it’s the only state in that region that has a meth lab problem. Plus there’s no real reason to live there unless you can’t afford NYC or Massachusetts.

37. Alabama

Alabama is what Mississippi would look like if the Magnolia State had any self-respect. Still though, Alabama doesn’t have much going for it other than college football.

36. Ohio

Like I’ve said before, I’ve only spent maybe 20 minutes in this state. But for whatever reasons, I just love to shit all over Ohio. Probably because, like Mississippi, people get so butt fuckin hurt when I do so.

35. Virginia

Unlike Maryland and Delaware, I acknowledge that Virginia is an actual state. But the northern half can go fuck itself, while the southern half should become a part of North Carolina.

34. North Carolina

I’m sure people love living here. Unfortunately this state hosts four ACC schools and all four of them suck.

33. Alaska

Beautiful state. But I don’t think Alaska catches the shit I think it deserves. People are weird, and not in a good way (unlike the next state on the list). It’s also cold and has a shit ton of grizzly bears. Fuck that.

32. Louisiana

I hate putting Louisiana this low. People are weird, but in a good way. And New Orleans might be the best shitty city in the US, which counts for A LOT in my book (and I like the food too). Unfortunately it might be the ugliest state geographically.

31. Pennsylvania

Pittsburgh is probably a cool place. And again, I’m sure people love living there. But the only knock against PA is Philadelphia. That is the most unfortunate city in the US

30. New Jersey

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Why is New Jersey ranked this high?”. And that’s a valid question. There are more assholes living in NJ than there are people. But I can appreciate that. If I found out tomorrow that I had to spend the rest of my life there, I wouldn’t be disappointed. I’d probably fit right in.

RIP Big XII

Fuck podcasts.

One of the worst things about the internet are podcasts. They just remind me that most people in the world are boring.

Hell, I’M boring.

But instead of bothering you with my terrible voice, I’m going to bother you with my mediocre writing. Because I want to restore to the internet the glory that was once blogging.

I mean, blogging is pretty lame too, but at least it’s not podcasting. Shit.

Not only has the internet ruined everything, but so has Disney. They not only ruined Star Wars and movies in general, but now they are ruining the sacred sport of college football.

Texas and Oklahoma are jumping the sinking ship of what is simultaneously the worst conference in the Power 5 and the most exciting, the Big 12, for the far more lucrative SEC. I mean, on its surface, this sounds great!

But it’s terrible. So…so terrible.

In case you haven’t heard, Bob Bowlsby, the Big 12 commissioner, has accused ESPN…a subsidiary of Disney…of pulling the strings behind the Texas and OU move and the subsequent dissolution of his league. Can he prove it? Who knows?

Will it matter?

Almost certainly not.

The Big 12’s days are numbered. The SEC will only increase its dominance over the sport, and Disney will reign in the profits because ESPN owns the SEC network.

And why stop with Texas and OU? Florida State and Clemson make plenty of sense in the SEC as well. You know who else does? Duke and North Carolina.

So a warning to the ACC: you better add West Virginia and Notre Dame (if you can). Because Disney is coming after you next. B10 and PAC-12 don’t seem to give a shit about any of this (it appears they actually care about academics).

Why should anyone give a shit about any of this? Aren’t college sports kinda a joke anyway?

Yes. Yes they are.

I mean, it’s just kinda amazing that Disney has been able to dissolve the distinction between jock and nerd…then subsequently piss both off.