Tag: New England Patriots

2025 NFL uniform ranking (part I. The worst ones)

It’s crunch time.

With a book coming out, it feels like being down three points in the fourth quarter and cramming for the finals all in one. Stress has reached a boiling point. So with a lot on my plate, I need to write about something cheap and easy. And you know me. I always have an opinion about football uniforms.

It’s been a couple years since I’ve done this. So here’s my ranking for all the 2025 NFL uniforms. Unfortunately my beef with Roger Goodell is ongoing so I won’t be able to post pictures. But that’s what the internet is for folks 🤷‍♂️

32. Seattle Seahawks

I think we can all agree that this uniform has overstayed its welcome. Actually it was never welcomed to begin with. It’s just unfortunate that this was the uniform worn during the franchise’s most successful run. But with the Legion of Boom/Russell Wilson/Pete Carroll era over, it’s time to restore the throwbacks to their proper place.

31. Philadelphia Eagles

For the life of me, I will never understand the love of midnight green. It’s boring as shit. And the shading behind the numbers makes the whole thing look dated. This uniform is stuck in the late 90s/early 2000s when everyone was depressed because of 9/11. It’s been nearly a quarter of a century, Philly. Bring back the Kelly green!

30. New England Patriots

Post Tom Brady, the Patriots have made improvements. I’ll admit, they have some good alternatives. But it’s still not enough. The biggest problem is the helmet, specifically the logo on the helmet. The internet has been quite vocal lately about the superiority of Pat Patriot over the current logo and I’m inclined to agree with them. But to improve the helmet, I have a much simpler idea: ditch the grey and make it white.

29. Tennessee Titans

It’s 2025. Every year there’s at least one team that everyone agrees to collectively shit on. This year it’s the Titans. Not only are they a poorly ran organization, their uniforms kinda suck too. Complexity is out. Simplicity is in. And the Titans uniform is a bit too complex for my tastes. Simply ditch the sword theme and get rid of the grey altogether. And as much as I love the old Houston Oilers uniforms, it’s time to retire those. Those belong to the city of Houston. If they wanted to keep those then the Adams family should have never of changed the name to “Titans”. Does the name “Oiler” make any sense for Tennessee? No. But who gives a shit? So actually my advice to improve the uniform is to change the name back to “Oilers”. That might solve a lot of Tennessee’s problems.

The 00s sucked peen

Ah 9/11….

Now THOSE were the days!

What a legend

I know “physically” I’m in my 30s, but in my heart I will always be 109 and counting down the days until death relieves me of this pitiful life.

But because my formative years took place during the 00s, I’m supposed to feel a sense of nostalgia for them.

Fuck that.

It was a TERRIBLE decade: the death of rock/metal, 9/11, the Great Recession, Hurricane Katrina, the first run of the New England Patriots dynasty, Iraq, Afghanistan…and aesthetically it was a cheap knockoff of the 90s.

I’m sorry, but it sucked. And we all knew it.

Of course, occasionally I’ll listen to Three Doors Down and Shaggy then think “oh yeah, this was the shit,” while I reminisce about sitting on a dirty ass floor and playing the first Halo.

But the only thing WORTH remembering was MySpace. Remember how dope that shit was? You could customize your page, add a song, post half-nudes because that’s what people expected you to do. Why we abandoned that in favor of Facebook I will never understand.

I know that people I graduated with are starting to feel their age. They’re now working along side adults that don’t REMEMBER 9/11. Yeah that sucks, but you know what else sucks?

Three Doors Down and the 00s.

So be happy you escaped that shit.