Things normal ppl do that I will never do

•Play a round of golf

I will never accept golf as a real sport and I will think lesser of a person who plays it.

Read ‘Catcher in the Rye’

Oh, so you were once an angry young man? Boo fuckin hoo. If I wrote something that appealed to pretentious asshats, I too would withdraw from public life and never put pen to paper again.

•Watch “The Lord of the Rings”

Maybe they’re good movies. But at this point I’m refusing to watch them out of tradition. Plus, fantasy isn’t a real genre.

Delete an email

I think so little of your email that I won’t bother deleting it. It will just sit there for eternity senselessly taking up digital space.

Pay for a concert

I have nothing against the performing of live music. I just refuse to pay for it. It doesn’t matter if it’s solo Mike Reno playing “Whenever There’s a Night” nonstop, I ain’t taking out my wallet to see it.

Visit Disney World

This has nothing to do with Ron DeSantis or the (shithole) State of Florida. I’m an adult.

songs that should be available for karaoke

Nothing pisses me off more than waking up at 5am, cranking up the volume on YouTube so I can wake up my family, and I’m unable find my favorite song to blow out my vocal chords to.

It’s bullshit and the makers of karaoke videos need to get off their lazy asses and make a version of the following songs:

Mike Reno-Whenever There’s A Night

Avett Brothers- I and Love and You

Kings of Leon- Cold Desert

Houndmouth- Sedona

Lucero- Chain Link Fence