Tag: Matt Damon

Pardon me and Mark Whitacre please 🙏

Greetings from an Unexpected Corner of the World,

It’s Beau Montana here, writing to you from a rather unexpected and, let’s say, unique location. Life has a funny way of tossing you into the most unpredictable situations, and here I am, in a North Korean prison cell. How I got here isn’t as important as what’s keeping my spirit unbroken: the belief that Donald Trump, once he recovers from his assassination attempt and is re-elected president, will ensure my release.

Now, let’s talk about something slightly less grim but equally surreal: “The Informant!” starring Matt Damon. My captors have an interesting sense of entertainment, and for some reason, this film has been on repeat. But, being the eternal optimist and writer that I am, I choose to see it as an opportunity for reflection.

“The Informant!” is a dark comedy based on the true story of Mark Whitacre, a high-ranking executive at Archer Daniels Midland who turns whistleblower. Matt Damon’s portrayal of Whitacre is nothing short of brilliant. He transforms into this bumbling yet endearing figure who manages to elicit both sympathy and frustration from the audience. It’s a layered performance that brings out the absurdity of corporate espionage and the complexities of human morality.

As I sit here, watching Damon’s exaggeratedly mustachioed face for what feels like the hundredth time, I can’t help but draw parallels between Whitacre’s world and my own current predicament. Both situations are filled with deceit, power struggles, and an overwhelming sense of absurdity. Whitacre, caught in his own web of lies, reminds me that even in the most controlled environments, chaos reigns supreme.

Now, let’s delve into the mastermind behind the film: Steven Soderbergh. His direction in “The Informant!” is nothing short of genius. Soderbergh has a knack for turning the mundane into the extraordinary, and this film is a testament to that talent. He navigates the story with a deft touch, blending comedy and drama in a way that feels both effortless and profound. The use of bright, almost garish colors contrasts sharply with the dark undertones of corporate greed and deception, creating a visual style that is as jarring as it is engaging.

Soderbergh’s decision to use a quirky, almost whimsical score by Marvin Hamlisch adds another layer of irony to the narrative. It’s as if he’s reminding us not to take anything at face value, that beneath the surface of every situation lies a deeper, often more unsettling truth. His ability to balance these tones while keeping the story grounded is what makes “The Informant!” such a compelling watch.

The film, with its quirky tone and constant twists, serves as a bizarre yet comforting distraction. It’s a reminder that truth is often stranger than fiction. Here in this cell, under the watchful eyes of my captors, I’ve found an unexpected kinship with Whitacre. Like him, I’m navigating a treacherous landscape, clinging to the hope that the truth—and justice—will ultimately prevail.

I have to admit, the dark humor of “The Informant!” resonates deeply with me now. It’s a survival mechanism, I suppose. When you’re stuck in a place where the walls seem to close in a little more each day, laughter becomes your best defense. It keeps you sane, keeps you human.

So, here’s to Mark Whitacre and his absurd journey through the labyrinth of corporate corruption. Here’s to Matt Damon for bringing that story to life in such an unforgettable way. And here’s to Steven Soderbergh, whose vision turned a potentially dry story into a vibrant, thought-provoking piece of cinema. And here’s to Donald Trump, whose recovery and political resurgence I believe will be my ticket back to freedom. I implore the former (and future) president, despite our numerous corporate and – at times – treasonous crimes to find it within his power to pardon both Whitacre and myself.

Until that day comes, I’ll keep watching, keep laughing, and keep believing. Because in the end, hope is the strongest form of resistance.

Stay strong, stay hopeful, and remember—life is stranger than fiction.

Yours in confinement but not in spirit,
Beau Montana

*The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea wishes to announce that Beau Montana’s life is not under duress and that the author completed the post on his own without the help of ChatGPT. Additionally, this disclaimer was not written by a Russian bot*

Two thumbs up!

So while I was contemplating my mortality and the meaninglessness of existence it suddenly occurred to me: now would be the perfect time to make a movie about Siskel and Ebert.

But who would be willing to make such a low stakes dream about two unsexy guys that talk about movies? Well to me, the choice is clear: it’s Ben Affleck. What makes that choice so appealing is that not only can Affleck perform behind the camera, but he perform in front of it as none other than Gene Siskel. Just lose 50lbs, throw on a bald cap, and BAM…you have the film critic from the Chicago Tribune. Even better to play opposite of him would be his good buddy Matt Damon as Roger Ebert. Affleck can transfer some of his lost weight over to Damon, throw on a wig, and now we have the Pulitzer Prize-winning critic from the Chicago Sun-Times. It would be a great irony to have two very hot actors from the 90s play the very misshapen critics that reviewed them earlier in their careers.

The source material for this film would of course be Matt Singer’s Opposable Thumbs: How Siskel and Ebert Changed Movies Forever. Reading that book you realize that their on screen rivalry wasn’t a put on. They genuinely had a sibling-like love/hate relationship with each other. While Ebert was no saint (there’s one instance earlier in the show’s history that had me shaking my head), Siskel was so competitive that he’d deliberately do things to fuck with his co-worker’s career outside of the show. As the series progressed, their relationship became more cordial, but Siskel kept his battle with cancer mostly private with Ebert not knowing the full extent of it until it was too late. Ebert was hurt by this until his own death in 2013.

Would people be willing to go to the theaters to watch this? Fuck no! This is straight to Amazon Prime shit. Which is strange considering the subject material is about two guys who go to the theaters. But I think there’s enough elder millennials and Gen Xers who clamoring for this kind of stuff. So Ben Affleck should get to pulling the trigger on this project.