MySpace

It was 2006.

The US was stuck in a military quagmire. Justin Timberlake was bringing sexy back. Cialis was popping off. And I was spending half my waking hours talking to chicks on MySpace.

Times were good.

But then came September.

The Crocodile Hunter unexpectedly gets got by a sting ray. And three weeks later Facebook opens its registration to anyone and everyone. Little did we know that it was the beginning of the end for the internet. It was the second worst September in human history.

To say that Facebook’s impact on the internet has been a catastrophe would be an understatement. And the sad thing is that it just didn’t have to be. No one in their right mind, then or now, could say that Mark Zuckerberg’s platform was the superior product. In hindsight, Myspace’s collapse is the great enigma of our time.

But 20 years later, MySpace is attempting a triumphant comeback. I tried to register today but I only ended up crashing my browser. So some things never change. And I hope they never do. Yet this poses a difficult question: can the wheel of time be turned back?

The age of social media might be dying. Should it be saved?

Under normal circumstances, my answer to both questions would be no. But we live in a strange nexus. The pushback against AI and social media algorithms has been far more successful than what I could have anticipated. It has made me wonder: can we turn back time on the internet? Is this where the people set their foot down and reclaim the worldwide web?

Could MySpace renaissance be the harbinger of this new era?

Probably not. But I’m still all in on MySpace. At the very least, we have to right the wrongs of the past and make the internet cool again.

Making friends on internet

I would love to spend more time on this blog.

But as everyone knows: I’m an internet hardass. If you cross my path, I will spank your ass cheeks blood red. And I’ve been doing a lot of spanking in overtime.

Ask anyone on the streets, “what do you think of when world renowned shitposter Beau Montana comes to mind?”. And every last one of them will say, VERBATIM: “he’s one of the premier armchair historians of our age in the field of the historical Jesus and early Christianity, particularly in regards to the Gospel of Mark.”

So when such an honor is bestowed upon you, you can’t let transgressions like this go unpunished:

Bart Ehrman…noted atheist and academic…vehemently argues for the existence of the historical Jesus.

Perhaps the Instagram poster thought: “it’s common knowledge that Bart Ehrman argues for the historical existence of Jesus, so maybe my audience will think this meme will be ATTACKING Ehrman by using his own words against his claims.”

OR, as is most likely, the poster has no idea what Bart Ehrman actually argues, and lazily reposted this image which makes Ehrman look like he’s arguing against the historical Jesus.

That’s intellectual laziness and I’m not having it, especially since the public places their trust in me to provide valuable information and analysis.

To vent my frustrations, I took to the newest invention from our Lord and Savior Mark Zuckerberg, THREADS.

The result has been my most interacted with content I have ever posted to social media. Unfortunately I can’t link to it because it appears that Threads is still only in app form. But I’m proud of myself for adequately defending mine and Ehrman’s position with such gems as:

And

So rest assured that in this age of misinformation you still have people like me defending the truth with all the intellectual rigor required of a true scholar

Fake news

Apparently the image I posted above is FALSE according to the great minds of Facebook and Instagram smh

Allegedly, the couple isn’t fucking. They’re “faith healing”.

Since I’ve been firing blanks for the last 50 years, I was curious if this method of conception actually worked. But Facebook and Instagram are too afraid of me asking questions.

I guess freedom of speech is under attack folks. There’s no other way of putting it.

“😭😭😭it’s false information!!!! 😭😭😭” you might say.

There’s no such thing!

Everything you read should be treated as TRUTH until proven otherwise. ESPECIALLY on the internet!!!

THAT’S how free speech works! And I’m DAMN sure not gonna let Mark Zuckerberg, who definitely fact checked this personally, tell me what is FALSE…especially on a platform that I interact with by choice!!!

😡😡😡