Wes Lexner x 5

I was minding my own business while watching porn on the work laptop when the boss man stormed in. He sat down on my desk and slammed the computer shut. Then he leaned forward to put his hand on my shoulder. “Bad news,” he informed me.

“I’m getting fired?” I asked.

He shakes his head. “No, worse,” he said. “My ass cancer has been cured.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I am too. For in the days I believed I was facing mortality, I took comfort in knowing that my time as the boss man of the toilet factory was coming to an end. But god intervened like the bastard that he is and granted me more time on his hellish creation.” The boss man then lifted his fist to the air and cried out to the heavens. “Why oh why can’t he let my torment end?” he lamented. Then he lowered his fist and wiped a tear from his eye. “Anyways,” he continued, “one man’s tragedy is another man’s elation. You don’t have to return to school. I will remain the boss man.”

“Thank Christ!” I exclaimed. Then I opened the trash can and threw in the cyanide tablets.

So in other words, this is good news. Not the curing of my boss’s ass cancer but other part; the part where I don’t have to go back to college. It’s a day of jubilation indeed.

Wes Lexner x 4

Big news.

Last night I announced that Anaideia will be published in book form sometime soon. I’m on my third or fourth draft so far and I’ll probably have it ready before the end of the year. It’s an unusual story and if submitted, I’m sure publishers will have plenty of notes about changes that I will be unwilling to make. I am nothing without my artistic integrity. Therefore it will be self published. Because of my beef with Amazon over their hostile takeover of James Bond, it is unlikely I will be self publishing with their services. I will let you know once I find an alternative method.

But news also dropped that Dead Star Press will be releasing Stories No One Should Read, a collection of short stories written by yours truly. It’s a game changer; a paradigm shift in English-language literature. This is the critical juncture where the decades old craft of shitposting becomes an elevated art form. Future critics will both praise and curse my name.

Now if you recall, the toilet factory convinced me, essentially at gunpoint, to return to school to quote “get a real fucking diploma”, end quote. So that will be taking effect next week. My time will be limited. Mind you, nothing will ever stop me from updating this blog, not even death. But posts might appear intermittently. I partially use this website to publish first drafts of long form content, which is what I did with Anaideia and will continue to do with kingdom of god. In fact, the latter will probably take more than a year to complete since it’s my first “serious” work. If I’m not able to maintain focus, then I will return to the good old days of shit posting.

With that said, Stories No One Should Read and Anaideia will probably be the last things I will publish for the next couple of years.

Thank you for your attention on this matter.

Wes lexner x 2

Yo! Shout out to the internet for making the post “Wes Lexner” my most popular piece of writing ever.

Google “Wes Lexner”…a common mispronunciation for famed CEO Les Wexner…and you’ll find that it’s the second page that will pop up.

Out of all the stupid things I’ve crapped out over the years, I never thought THAT one would be my most famous. But that’s the internet 🤷‍♂️

I’m just doing my part to waste as much digital energy as possible and ensure that we continue to misuse humanity’s most important invention 👍

None of this would be possible without viewers like you. Y’all are the real MVPs.